My Immortal commentary
by Bartimeaus17
Summary: This is a sporking of the infamous My immortal by Tara Gilesbie.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I do not own this fanfiction. If I did, I would promptly jump off a bridge. My immortal is owned by the legendary Tara Gilesbie. Only the comments in bold are mine.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **.Yeah we get it Tara. You are "goffik"** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Nothing wrong with being a lesbian** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! **Raven! **I know who to blame now!**** Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **WTF. Who names their child that** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Wow. Who could've guessed** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **That just makes you look a retarded peacock** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **Well I'm leaving then I suppose** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Incest. Always lovely. *pukes*** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Umm…Okay.** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, **A witch and a vampire? Pick one.** and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Hogwarts is in Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Yeah we totally couldn't tell that at all** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. ***groan*** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, **I don't care.** pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **Didn't she have pale, white skin? I'm no makeup expert but sounds bad** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Its called sleet and it's not something you should be walking around in** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Just because people are staring at you, you flip them off? No wonder everyone is staring at you bitch.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Dun Dun Duuun.**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Shyly? Draco Malfoy? Yeah no.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **That's it? Draco Malfoy says wassup and you say nothing and walk away? That is quite literally the opposite of an interesting conversation.**

AN: IS it good? **No** PLZ tell me fangz! **Whew.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Help? What help?** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **I don't think they are flaming your story because they are preps honey.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Wow. Really? Who does that!** It was snowing and raining again. **What is going on with the weather in hogwarts?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **You had blood lying around just incase?** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **I don't care.** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **Why?** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Nobody fucking cares.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Raven…Grrrr** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Wait what? She smiled at you, flipped her hair and then opened her eyes? Picture it. It's creepy AF.** She put on her **She was naked until now?** Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Yeah and draco fucking malfoy was shy.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Isn't she a vampire? Vampires don't have blood so they can't blush. Get your shit straight ebony.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Yeah let's blush and shout for no apparent reason. That totally makes it look like you don't like Draco.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. **See.** Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Wow. What made Raven( Grrr…) think that you liked Draco Malfoy. I don't know.**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **A muggle band is allowed to play in hogsmeade? Well fuck the International Statue of Wizarding Secrecy.**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. **Stop screaming woman.** I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **I don't know any of these bands. Maybe it's cause I'm not goffick.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **O Noes! The suspense.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Jesus I can barely understand what she just said. For funsies I'll translate these author's notes(if you can call them that). Here we go.**

 **AN:Stop flaming the story preps ok?(NO) Otherwise thanks to the gothic people for the good reviews(thanks to all the nonexistent people for the nonexistent good reviews)! Thanks again Raven!(Grrr…) Oh yeah BTW I don't own this (You don't own your own story?) or the lyrics for Good Charlotte.(really? *gasp*)**

On the night of the concert I put on **Oh god nobody cares Ebony!** my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **Corset stuff? You mean lace, love.** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **That just looks weird.** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **That's physically impossible. Your hair can't be straight and spiky at the same time.** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. ***Blinks* Okay.** I read a depressing book **What?** while I waited for it to stop bleeding **How are you bleeding? You are a vampire aren't you?** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **That didn't stop you in the first chapter.** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **Why is human blood so readily available in Hogwarts? WTF are the teachers doing? Where is Dumbledore?**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **Draco stole the flying car from Ron!** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **No they don't.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Way to lighten up your date idiot.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **I'm not a huge car guy but I'm pretty sure you can't get that license plate** and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **Wow such great role models.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **They hopped out of the flying car? Aren't you just dead?** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **No shit Sherlock.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **Club? I thought it was a concert?**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Way to go genius. You are on your first date with someone and you tell that some other dude is "so fucking hot". Great confidence boost.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **About time.**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Oh God Draco is sensitive now. *bangs head on the table***

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Hey I'm no fan of Hillary Duff either but I don't think this hate is justified.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **You are 17. That's not legal.** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. **Of course you did, Miss Mary Sue.** Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **O Noes! Not this insane plot twist!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBYnut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

 **AN:I said stop flaming ok? Ebony's name is "ENOBY" (Make up your mind woman.) not Mary Sue. Draco is so in love with her that he is acting different.( I understand different, I don't understand completely out of character and retarded) They knew each other before ok!**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Yeah wtf are you doing dating this dumb bitch.**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **Anybody wanna park their car and stop walking out while it is in mid air?** I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **I mean I would be angry too. It's the forbidden forest. It's forbidden for a reason.**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **You hear that kids? You see evilness in someone's eyes and it makes you feel better. Don't run or anything.**

And then… suddenly just as I **I what?** Draco kissed me climbed on top of me **Oh no** and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **I don't like where this is going.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **STOP. PLEASE.** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **AHAHAHAH! I'm done. This might just be the best lemon I've ever read in any fanfiction ever.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. **Please excuse me while I go violently commit suicide.** I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. ***pukes*.** And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **They were having sex…sort of.**

It was….Dumbledore! **Oh my god! I love it.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

 **AN:Stop flaming!(Nope) If you flame it means you're a prep or a poser! The only reason Dumbledore swore is cause he had a headache ok? And on top of that he was mad at them for having sex!(So was the rest of the world) PS I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!(well folks we're not getting any more updates *looks at chapter count* I hoped.)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. **You guys might want to put on some clothes before following Dumbledore.** He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Nice insult Dumbledore. You tell em!**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **That's not normal.** Draco comforted me. **Originally draco would laugh and probably call you a mudblood or something but nah. Draco comforts in this universe.** When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **Why? They don't know that you were having sex in the forbidden forest. Also how did Dumbledore know about it too?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **Hahaha. I just imagined Dumbledore saying sexual intercourse.**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Even Mcgongall?**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. **Wow. They are 17 year old, drunk and extremely stupid. What did you think was going to happen?**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" ***Blinks* There's no way this works.**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **WHAT! It actually fuckin worked!**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Wait so you caught two kids having sex. Better send them up together upstairs to the room. Nothing wrong can happen.**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **You ARE fine! You guys just had sex in the forbidden forest and got away with it.** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Who wears heels to bed? Dafaq?** When I came out…. **SUSPENSE!**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **More like I just wanna have sex.** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **WHAT! So two seventeen year olds had sex, got caught went into a room and walked away with a hug and a kiss? Well…goodbye logic.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

 **AN:Shut up preps ok! I won't update until you give me good review! (Well RIP story.)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Oh for the love of god.** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **Earth to Ebony: Nobody cares.** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Are you TRYING to get bullied?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal ***chuckles*** with blood instead of milk, **That would taste horrible even for a vampire** and a glass of red blood. **As opposed to purple blood?** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair **Yeah him being hot negates all that blood driping down your skimpy red top.** with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **That's actually gross.** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Wait she isn't talking about...** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **Don't you dare** He had a manly stubble on his chin. **.** He had a sexy English accent. **Noooo…** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Girls don't get erections? Such wisdom from Tara.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **Why? Why did she have to ruin harry freaking potter.** although most people call me Vampire **Why?** these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed. **That's what I wanted to know.**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **Okay so harry potter who is now called vampire is a 17 year old boy who is giggling like a little girl about the taste of human blood? Ummm…Yeah that makes perfect sense.(sarcasm)**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **Some weird hybrid of a vampire and witch who also bleeds and is extremely bad in her fashion choices.**

"Really?" he whimpered. **Harry, son wtf are you doing? You are a man. Stop giggling and whimpering.**

"Yeah." I roared. **Can she stop being so loud all the time.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **This story exposition is great. It's so interesting. "We sat down to talk and then we went away." Fuckin hell my two year old cousin sister can write this.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **We have chapter names now? Great *Groans***

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

 **AN: Well ok you guys. I'm only writing this cause I got 5 good reviews.(I doubt that) And BTW I won't write the next chapter till I get ten good ones! STOP FLAMING OR I'LL REPORT YOU!(Go ahead) Evony(How hard is it to spell ebony?) isn't a Mary Sue ok? She isn't perfect. She's a Satanist!(Being a Satanist is considered a flaw? To be honest all religions sound the same to me.) And she has problems. She's depressed for god's sake.(I know people who go through depression and they don't go around having sex in the forbidden forest or doing long, boring intros about their makeup or dresses.)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **Yes, yes it does. Also you were wearing black nail polish a second ago. How did it change to red in a second?** I waved to Vampire. Dark miserywas in his depressed eyes. **HAHAHAH…NO** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **How did Harry know you guys just came back from fucking in the forbidden forest?** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. **No…Not this again.** Then… **No need for the dots. There's no suspense ebony. You're trying to fuck. We know.**

We started frenching passively ( **Passively? Not actively? You mean you guys were just touching with lips and not actually kissing. That sounds weird and boring.** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. **I don't need the mental pictures.** Then I took off my black leather bra **Leather bras must be so uncomfortable** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **Ebony is every sex ed teacher we ever had.** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Extremely so.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" **OH MY GOD! Please Stop!** I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **Cool tattoo Draco.**

I was so angry. **Why? You are a vampire! He got a tattoo for you!**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **I doubt that.**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Well you've had unprotected sex with him twice. You better hope he doesn't have AIDS.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. **I'm actually surprised we didn't get a full description of what her clothes were this time.** Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **Huehuehue** but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom **How do you know which class harry is in right now?** where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **Wait. So Draco had a tattoo with Vampire written on his arm. Instead of correlating it with you being a vampire, you relate it to Draco and Harry being involved? One hell of an imagination you got there.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep!

 **AN:Stop flaming ok! (NO)If you do de prep!(I have no clue what this sentence means)**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Ahahahaha…Can you imagine Snape's reaction to some random goth chick walking into his classroom and swearing while Draco runs in naked and begs…Also if I was in the class, I would be taking pictures. They are going on wizard instagram.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Screamed sadly…Cool.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **Who's this supposed to be?** smiled at me understatedly. **Understatedly? What?** She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes **So she's been sitting in the class with her eyes closed the entire time?** like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **Why is everyone wearing red contacts in this school?** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **That makes no sense** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **What!?** Her real parents are vampires **Everybody and their mother is a vampire around these parts apparently** and one of them is a witch **What's with these witch/ vampire crossbreeds?** but Voldemortkilled her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **Like everyone else in this fucking story.** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **Wait…so B'loody Mary Smith is supposed to be Hermione. O Hell Naw!** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **What happened to the sorting hat? Also why are all slytherin Satanists now?**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **I mean if a random girl and her naked boyfriend disrupted my class I'd be like "WTF are you kids doing in my class? GTFO"**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **You don't know that. Every second person is a vampire in this school. It could be anyone.**

Everyone gasped. **If it was me, I would be laughing my ass off. Also why is Snape allowing this to happen?**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **WTF. What's with the random POV change?** I had went out with Vampire Ah **,** (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **He dumped you because he liked someone else? How dare he do that!** We were just good friends now. **Were. So you aren't anymore?** He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **What's with all this hate for preps? Also you have problems and became gothic? Get in line.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **Snape! You're a wizard. Fuckin do something!**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest **Why to the forbidden forest?** where I had lost my virility **Isn't virility something to do with manliness? *opens dictionary* Virility: noun (in a man) the quality of having strength, energy, and a strong sex drive; manliness**. **So ebony lost her manliness to Draco in the forbidden forest?** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **Bust into tears?**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox!dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

 **AN:Stop flaming ok! I didn't read all the books!(That was pretty obvious) This is from the movie(Which movie is she talking about?) ok so it's not my fault if Dumbledore swears! Besides I said he had a headache! And the reason snape doesn't like harry now is cause he's Christian and vampire is a Satanist! *Facepalm***

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **I don't blame draco at all here.** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose **Voldemort? Finally. Someone around here with some sense** and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose **A horrible man with no nose didn't have a nose? Thank you captain obvious from planet obvious.** (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **Yes. Kill her!**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **That's what the imperius curse is supposed to do.**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **You threw hermione's cat at voldemort?** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **It actually worked too? The dark lord, the most feared wizard in all of the wizarding world was defeated by a cat?** I felt bad for him **It's voldemort! Run you idiot!** even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **You're not a sadist then.**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **What? Why is voldemort from the eighteenth century?**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **Sexah? *bangs head against wall*** eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. **No it doesn't.** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Finally! It took you a while.**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **Yes, shouting at the villan. That always convinces them.**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **A **Gun? Seriously? You guys have magic. What's wrong with wands?**** "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Wait. So voldemort's plan to kill harry potter is to give some random teenage girl who can't even dress properly a gun and blackmail her into killing harry potter? I give up. I take back what I said about voldemort being sensible.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **I mean you guys have been walking around naked half the time. At this rate half of UK might know that you and draco are fucking.**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **Just like the rest of the world.** "I hath telekinesis." ***Starts laughing out loud*.** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **That is some mental image right there.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **How did draco know she was here and that sentence shouldn't be phrased like that.**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. **Why? Did he actually put some clothes on before coming here?** He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **I don't…wait…Pentagram? Cross…*Lighbulb*Oh My God! It's so fuckin stupid. *smashes head against desk*** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **This conversation is as interesting as a mashed potato salad.**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **She **expelled.****

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **Oh for the love of god! Can these two keep their hands to themselves for one second.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

 **AN: Stop it you gay fags. If you don't like my story, then fukk off! Ps it turns out Bloody Mary isn't a muggle after all. She is a vampire, and they are evil. That is why they moved houses okay!**

 **It's so stupid that I don't even want to comment on it.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **Voldemort is Russian? Also I propose a game. Everytime she spells voldemort wrong I'll add it to the list of all these voldemort impersonators.(Vlodemort)** all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **What an original name.** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **Of course you do.** People say that we sound like a cross **She said cross!** between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary **Hermione** , Vampire **Harry** , Draco, Ron **Finally Ron is here** (although we call him Diabolo **What the fuck?** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **She took away his red hair! Noooo…** ) and Hargrid. **Wait "Hargrid" is in the band too?** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **Your boyfriend/fuckbuddy is slitting his wrists. You might want to check up on him.** (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire **Who isn't? At this point I think flich's cat might be a vampire too** too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that **You just did like five seconds ago.*Scrolls up*** ) or a steak **Steak? TIL Vampire obesity is a serious cause of death.** ) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Isn't that a Disney movie?** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs ***Cough* Slut *Cough*.** and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **HAHAHAHA. I like how even ebony knows it was pretty slutty.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Stop 'busting' into tears.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted **Concerted?** voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **Geez. She was just concerned about you. No wonder you don't get along with anyone and people stare at you.** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **Then maybe instead of crying randomly and being useless, tell someone about it. Maybe the teachers? Maybe dumbeldore? Maybe the ministry of magic?** I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. ***Blinks***

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes. Draco Malfoy isn't one to randomly hide behind walls eavesdropping on teenage girls and their drama. That's Umbridge.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Does anyone around here do anything but cry? For the love of god do something!**

We practiced for one more hour. **Lol what? So you're going through a crisis but fuck it! Band practice take priority. Also you just said harry and draco weren't there. So you couldn't have practiced. Be consistent for once in your fucking life ebony.** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! **Whoo! Hoo! Dumbeldore is here bitches!** His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **Even Dumbledore is crying!** (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **Wait wut? I thought Draco was a vampire and couldn't die by slitting his wrists. Ebony slits her wrists every other Monday and she's fine. Also it's Dumbledore. I'm pretty sure he could save draco from bleeding. If draco can heal from sectumsempra spell, slit wrists are not much. Stop contradicting yourself you-you-you fucking muggle poser bitch!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus!sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

 **AN: I said stop flaming up preps! See if this chapter is stupid(I'm pretty sure it is)!1111(Also what's with the random 1's?)it deals with really serious issues!(yes vampires committing suicide and running into classes naked ) See for yourself if it's stupid btw thanks to my friend Raven(Grrr…) for helping me out.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **Great. One more reason to not be friends with this bitch** and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **It's Dumbledore bitch. He does what he wants.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **She really needs to get that checked** and then I slit both of my wrists. **Aren't you going to die now?** They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily **Hahaha. That picture** while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak **Really? Eating in the bath are we?** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **DO IT!** I was so fucking depressed! **We get it. You are depressed. Move on** I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Why is there sand in your bath?** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. **Me neither, Ebony.** Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap **Snape?** was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **So Lupin was eating something?** They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it **Ugghh**. Suddenly Vampire ran in. **Harry wtf. Why is the entire world watching this girl shower?**

"Abra Kedavra!" **Hahaha. Also harry isn't old enough to cast an unforgivable curse yet** he yelled at Snape and Loopin **Hey leave lupin out of this. He was happily eating. I think you should be mad at Harry who ran in while you were in the shower** pointing his womb. **Harry…Wrong kind of wand mate.** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **Holy shit! That is some Max Payne level shit right there** and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore **Dumblydore?** ran in. **Even Dumbledore is getting in on the action. Leave this girl alone!** "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - **Someone has what?** NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… **Suddenly what? What's with the random breaking off of the sentences?**

Hargrid **Hargrid- Hagrid but hairier.** ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **He's a half giant! And he was expelled long ago. He's ANYTIHNG but a little Hogwarts student.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **Fuck off. Everyone's a Satanist in this story. Honestly I'm rooting for voldemort here.**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **What factors dude? You were spying on this dirty hussy in the bath. I thought you were all about Lilly potter.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Don't have any what? Personality? Logic? Rationality?**

Loopin **Why does she spell Lupin like that?** held up the camera triumelephantly. **Triumelephantly- When elephants win** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **Just go back to eating your food lupin.**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I'm sure we can all relate to that miss ebony dementia darkness way.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Clook? Cloak or cock? Cause it could be either.**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **What is going on? I'm beyond confused.** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **Or maybe...just maybe…take it up with Dumbledore and get them in prison or something? Nope? Go ahead bite them then.**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **I would pay to see that actually.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **I'm no goth but even I know that goth culture comes from Victorian era fashion and style. It has nothing to do with satan. Even people who aren't Goths are better Goths than you ebony. WTF.**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Why does everyone love her? Give me one reason. Personality? Can't be. I've seen raccoons with better personality than her. And better makeup than her too. That last part isn't even a joke.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

 **AN: Stop flaming ok? Hagrid is a pedo too.(What? Hagrid hasn't done anything yet!) A lot of people in American schools are like that.(Judging by the way you spelt American and school, I don't think you go to any school Tara.) I wanted to address the issue! How do you know Snape isn't Christian.(Oh I don't know…Maybe it's never been fucking mentioned ever in any of the HP books?) Plus Hagrid isn't really in love with ebony that was Cedric ok!(When the fuck did Cedric come into all of this?)**

I was about to slit my wrists again **Do it!** with the silver knife that Drago **Who the fuck is Drago and what has he done with Draco Malfoy?** had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly **Valiantly against what? Other vampires?** against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **So your boyfriend literally gave you a weapon to kill yourself. I'm no expert on relationships but that seems awfully unhealthy to me.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **HAIRGRID? How much hair does Hagrid have?** but it was Vampire. **How do you mistake a half giant, hairy bulky man with a teenage boy?** He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **But he didn't have a scar anymore. *scrolls up* Oh why do I bother. It's not like anything else is consistent in this story** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Red whites?**

I stopped. **Stopped what?** "How did u know?" **Know what? That he had a scar? Oh idk, voldemort killed his entire family, tried to kill him, gave him a scar. Any of that ringing any bells?**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **What is going on?**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Me too.**

"I do but Diabolo ***Sobs* Poor Ron** changed it into a pentagram **Why?** for me and I always cover it up with foundation." **Again why?** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort **(Vlodemort/Volfemort)** has him bondage!" **Jesus Christ. I did not want to picture that.**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **But you never slit your wrists! You were about to but harry who you mistook for hagrid came in.** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **How can you not spell Hagrid right?** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **Really? 's? You know what. It's so bad that I'm not even going to say anything** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **Why are all the teachers pedophiles in this school. Where is Dumbledore?** and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **What hot girls? The only girls you've mentioned in the story are you, Hermione and raven(grrr..) and all of you retards dress like clowns. Oh wait…Brittney. She seems like a nice person.** Dumbledore had constipated ***cries out in laughter* I wonder if she spelled it like that on purpose.** the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **Who's them? Who are you flipping off to? "Snap and Loopin"? Cause they are at " 's" probably eating fruit.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **In all of this story hagrid is the only person who has shown some boyfriend qualities. The rest of the guys are just shitters.**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." **This is the first time any guy has given you a gift Ebony, show some appreciation. Well…except the the time that Draco gave you Aids.** I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, **You've been wearing pink fishnet clothes all the time** and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **When?**

"No Enoby." **Enoby? What happened to Ebony?** Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs **?** too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **You just said that they are not roses.**

"I saved your life!" **When?** He yelled angrily. "No you didn't **Yeah** I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **Cmon. Nobody would watch your tape ebony** made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED **Hey Lupin was just eating some food. Leave him alone** (c is dat speld rong) **Yes it is** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **Argghhh…**

He pointed his wand **Sorry. My mind has been ruined by this story** at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **Make up your fucking mind guys. Roses or not roses.** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **What spell is this?**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Fuck off.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio **I…What?** (4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven **Grrr…** I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **That sounds weirdly stereotypical for asians.**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you **Wow that was quick** now wtf is Drako?" **An idiot.**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore **When did Dumbledore come in?** said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **Maybe you'll look at the reviews and realize that this story is a utter pile of crap?** u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" **Dumbledore is one of the greatest wizards of all time so fuck you!** Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **What did Dumbledore even do? Why is he getting blamed for everything that happens to Ebony?**

Anyway when I got better **You were fine. Nothing happened to you** I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **We don't care ebony!** I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring **Ugghh.** (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **Black lip gloss on blood red lipstick? Are you trying to look a retarded clown?**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit **Grrr.** ) you do too." I said sadly too, **This is the first compliment you've received. Respond appropriately ebony** but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **Firstly why do you even slit your wrists? It's not like you're going to die or anything. Secondly why do vampires have blood in this universe? Thirdly why are you drinking your own blood. Speaking on the basis of nutrition and diet it does not do anything for you** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **I thought they were in " "?** I went to some classes. **I seriously doubt that** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **Why is harry potter literally inside the hair of some "magic magical creatures"?** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. **This is the weirdest love triangle I've ever seen** He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Pretty hilarious picture but I kinda like hufflepuffs. You know loyal and stuff. Leave hufflepuffs alone.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **Whew.**

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **I love how ebony said she was not a slut. Your "boyfriend" is probably getting tortured by the most evil wizard in history and you are fucking your boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. Yes…Ebony is the paragon of virtue. If being a slut was a virtue.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **I love these insults btw.** shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **So you guys were fooling around while everyone else is in the room watching? *cough*Slut*cough***

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **You literally said "we jumped on each other and started screwing each other". I believe it takes two people to have sex** You know I loved Draco!" **loved? Past tense? Wow that was short.** I shouted **Shouted *Shakes head*** and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Again. What are red whites?**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Uhhhh…Déjà vu.**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **It has happened before hasn't it? Tara is a total idiot.**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN **Grrrr…** MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA **Oh Snap** WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **So only in your stories you wear fishnets and skimpy skirts with simple plan on the butt while you wear sweater in real life? Just stick with real life clothes please.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom!PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

 **AN: Raven(Grrr…) thanks for helping me again.(I fear to see what had been the unedited, unhelped version of this story ) I'm sorry I took your poster of Gerard but that guy is such a fuckin sexbomb!(Stop nicking your friend's stuff Tara) Preps stop flaming!**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. **She actually spelt his name right? I'm genuinely impressed.** We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore! **Sigh** " we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Huehuehuehue**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" **Pretty sure Dumbledore would never say that** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort **(Vlodemort/Vlofemort/Volsemort)** has Draco!" **Didn't Draco commit suicide by slitting his wrists which he shouldn't have died by cause he was vampire?** we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Dumbledore is evil? Bahh…At this point I don't even care.**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **I mean you guys were having sex like a minute ago. Maybe put that on hold for a moment.**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **Hey I'm siding with Dumbledore on this one** Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU **Yeah. I mean you had sex in the forbidden forest, disturbed classes with your stupid drama, ran in naked. Any principal would be happy to see you gone** Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." **Oh come on Dumbledore. You are the headmaster. It's your job to give a shit about the students no matter how annoying they are.** then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. **Oh piss off** (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **This girl has the weirdest gay fetish I've ever seen.**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **Go to a goddamn doctor for Christ sake** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" **Had. Now it's gone** he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **Excuse me!? So the darkest and most feared wizard's lair can be accessed by 17 year olds by doing one measly spell!? I'm starting to think that voldemort is actually no more dangerous than a chocolate toothbrush.**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "AllahKedavra!" **Yes. The spell for all the infidels.**

It was….. Voldemort! **Gasp. You went inside voldermort's lair and you saw voldemort? What a shocking turn of events! Who could have ever thought that would happen!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd **.** n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

 **AN: Fuck off preps ok! Raven(Grrr…) thanks for helping again. I'm sorry I couldn't update but I was depressed and I had to go to the hospital cause I slit my wrists. PS I'm not updating till you give me 10 good reviews!**

 **WARNING: SOME OF THIS CHAPTER IS EXTREMLY SCARY.(Just like the rest of this story) VIEWER DISCREATION ADVISED.**

We ran to where Volcemort **Sigh(Vlodemort/Volfemort/Volsemort/Volcemort)** was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **Didn't you say that you saw voldemort at the end of last chapter?** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **Wormtail?** Draco was there crying tears of blood. **But Draco died** Snaketail **Wormtail but his animagus now is a snake** was torturing him.Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **Great job blowing your cover jackasses.**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **LOL WUT?**

he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **Does no one in this universe use wands?** he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **Oh not this again** "." he said. ***Clutches head in disappointment*** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **Okay. Cool.**

"Huh?" I asked. **Words woman. Use em.**

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" **No wormtail. Bad wormtail.** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? **If he didn't torture your boyfriend then would you fuck him? *cough*Slut*cough*** God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **Let's keep it civil come on** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **Stabbed him with what? Also blood is poring out? Help yourself, you are a vampire.**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. **Hahahaha. That was a funny scene.** I brust into tears sadly. **Why? He was torturing your boyfriend! Also you said you were a sadist. It's not like you empathize with him.**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. **Trying to fuck a unfuckable, unlikable 17 year old.** Then… he started coming! **Why does everything she says sound so damn dirty?** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Ahahaha. I'm actually laughing. Can I ask why is the dark lord wearing high heels? You know what…I don't need to know.** So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. ***blinks*** **Okay.** We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. **Why? You rescued your boyfriend. You should be happy.**

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **Dude you were being tortured like five minutes. Put the shirt back on.** He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) ***bangs head against the wall*** and a really huge you-know-what **No, I don't know what and I don't want to know what** and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. **It is. That this abomination of a story is allowed** **to exist.** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here **Waaahh…Why am I so pretty and special like the Mary Sue I am** except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **Everyone in favour of punching Ebony? *counts hands***

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **Yeah everyone else is a slut and ebony is the virgin mary herself Draco. Oh and BTW she was shagging harry like a few hours ago. No biggie.** answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **They are not in love with you. They were pedophiles.** Hargrid says he's in love with me. **He's a pedophile too. You said so yourself.** Vampire likes me **Pretty sure vampire has shown more romance towards Draco than he has towards you** and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **Peter Pettigrew is dead. You literally killed him.** I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan **Geddit. Cause she's goffik** have made me less beautiful?" **Well satan can't go below than zero** I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty ***rolls eyes* Sure** ) "Im good at too many things! **Like what? Name one thing she is good at? One skill that she posses? This girl can't even put on clothes right. What talent do you think she has?** WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? **I'm sure everyone asks that question ebony** IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

 **AN. Stop flaming okay! By the way, you suck. From now on, every time someone flames me, I'm going to slit my wrists!(Well she's a goner) Thanks to Raven(Grrr…) for helping!**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **No please go away.**

But I was too mad. **You always are.**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **Would be better than having sex with Ebony** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **Why is everything black,blood red and gothic** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **Jesus** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **You are mad at them Ebony.** I started to cry and weep. **Cry and weep? They are literally synonyms!** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. **Here we go again** I drank the blood all depressed. **As opposed to being cheerful when you drink your own blood?** Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **Biology? At Hogwarts? Why?**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. **It's amazing that she still thinks we care.** Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. ***Groan*** I put my ebony black hair out.Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **I don't understand why Ebony is depressed. I mean she's extremely lucky. Any other person would've died from all the retardedness that's going on** I did sum advanced Biology work. **Yeah casually doing some advanced biology work in the wizarding world** I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **Such advanced biology!** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **What. The. Fuck. No seriously WTF. She's is either the best witch in transfiguration that ever lived or extremely mentally challenged.**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. **At this point I'd rather have voldemort have Draco in bondage and whip him…Wait…that's happened already** I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **I mean there are like four girls in this world and I'm sure Ebony wouldn't win any prizes there either.** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **I've had the same feeling ever since reading this story** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **More like I love fucking you.** Then….he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! **Teachers might wanna stop this** His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross **She said cross again!** between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. **I don't** if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

"OMFG." ***Groans*** I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **Why is she so obsessed with Hillary Duff?** Then we went away holding hands. Loopin **Who is only guilty of chewing food till now** shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **They are clapping for the disabled kids** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **Didn't they have a concert a few days ago?** looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

 **AN: You what? Shut up okay! Prove to me you're not preps! Raven(Grr…) you suck!(What's happening?) You're a fucking bitch, give me back my fucking sweater. You're supposed to write this! Raven, what the fuck, you're supposed to do this.(What is this civil war between Tara and Raven?) By the way thank to Britney5655 for teaching me Japanese.(Oh no…This does not bode well)**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **I'm pretty sure Hogsmeade is little ways off. Are you sure you wanna run to Hogsmeade?** There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. **This is the first time Ebony is happy. Every other time was sad and depressed** were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! **Happy? What are you, a fuckin prep?** Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection **WHAT! *pukes*** but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **You had sex with Harry yesterday bitch!** I was wearing **Oh. My. God.** a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. **That does not look good.** Draco was wearing **Arrrgghh!** a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. **Please someone shank her in the moshpit.** We frenched.We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. **What mask?** So did the others. **?** We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort **What kind of mask was that. WTF** and da Death Dealers! **Death Dealers? Do they stand around street corners and sell some death to kids?**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **What? How is it Draco's fault that Voldemort ambushed you at the concert?** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? **What happened last time? What is she talking about?** Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **What the fuck is going on?**

"What cause we…you know…" **You know what?** he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **About what? Sex? That's practically all we talk about.**

"Yeah cause we you know!" **Nobody knows anything in this story** I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." **Do fucking what!?** Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **An escort? A hooker? Hey I know ebony is a slut but calling her an escort is just…truthful actually.**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" ***Bangs head***

"NO." he muttered loudly. **Muttered loudly? Sure.**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **Why is voldemort watching all this drama? KILL THEM!**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **While Voldemort and the "death dealers" are watching casually.**

I was flattened **By a truck?** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **OMG a guy memorized a few sentences for me? I'm totally floored.**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **So voldemort just let them go? Like: They are in love, later kids. GLHF dicking.**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." **… Oh god. I can barely tolerate her "goffick" culture. I don't want to see her weeboo shit** she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in Japanese). "BTW Willow **Raven? Grrr…** that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math. " (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **Raven, No! Come back. What will happen to this story without you. I won't growl at you anymore if you come back. Please.**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **So you killed you friend in the story because she took your sweater. Some friend you are.**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **So a regular Monday?** We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **That's a kids movie.** "Maybe Willow will die too." **Jesus** I said.

"Kawai." **Did you just say your friend dying would be cute? Dafaq is wrong with you?** B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **Those two words literally are opposite to each other** "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her **UUHHHH…** and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **…. JESUS! I believe Ebony needs to go to " 's" too.**

"Kawai." **WTF is wrong with these people!** I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **Talked in silence? Fuck off.** for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." **There just was a concert! How many concerts are there?** I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **OH NO!**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **That's not preppy at all.**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up. **Snaped?**

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. **Neither do the rest of us Ebony** "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **Everybody is a prep compared to Ebony.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **Yeah I can totally see that, the American retail store HOT TOPIC in Hogsmeade right next to Honeydukes and the hogs head.**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **Why, what did Harry do to you?** Or me. **But how could it be you? You didn't know it yourself? That doesn't make any sense *Starts crying***

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms." ***blink* Call brooms?**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **If I was Dumbledore I wouldn't hesitate to use the killing curse here.**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." **You were sneaking around in Dumbledore's study?** She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **You literally contradicted yourself in the same sentence. I thought only Trump could do that** and he gave me a few dresses. **Still not preppy** "We only have these for da real goffs." **"Real Goffs."**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers **He means you ebony!** ther are in this town man!Yesterday loopin and snap **How hard is it to spell Snape?** tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **There are gothic camera pouches?** He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **Oh yeah. I remember. Snape took a video of ebony bathing while Lupin chewed on some food.**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN **They are at " 's"!** I cried, running out of the changing room **When did you go in there?** wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **Whew**

"Oh my satan **Nobody says that** you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **Every salesperson ever.**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **Hermoine please.**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **Oh god the cringe is real** Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" **Yeah she goes to every concert which probably happen every other day in Hogsmeade. It's not like Ebony is learning anything at Hogwarts anyways** he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **You can call me Ebony for short. Or autistic. That works too** way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid." ***Facepalm* No, she cannot be this stupid!** He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **Why are you so rude to everyone? He didn't say he wanted to go with you!** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **What now? Draco slit his wrists again?**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

 **AN: I said stop flaming da story! If you're a prep den don't read it! U can tell whether you're a prep or not by ma quiz it's on ma homepage.(She has a homepage?) If you're not then you rock. If u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! PS willow isn't realy a prep. Raven please do dis I'll promise 2 give u back your poster!(Are they seriously fighting over a sweater and a poster? How old are these people?)**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **Cause Ebony is so sexah.** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). **Everybody in this story is bisexual.** Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **Uhhhh…Hagrid is trying to make them cum? I don't recall that happening in the movie** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" **Yeah WTF Hagrid** I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking **How can you not even swear properly!** bastard." Well anyway Willow came. **Why is everyone cumming? Hehehe. Also wasn't Willow dead? Yeah, she got expelled and Hermione murdered her then Lupin did some questionable stuff to her corpse.** Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **Hey Raven. Welcome back from the dead. We were totally not being happy and saying how cute your death was.**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's **Did Raven and Tara make up? YES!** really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **Wow. So sexah!** She had a really nice body wif big bobs **Bobs?** and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **Anorexia actually does not look sexah at all.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **Another concert? How many concert are there! Jesus!**

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." **Wait so Raven and Ron are going out?** she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. **Hehehe** They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **No Ron…Please…Come back to us.** Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Martwas going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **Ahahaha…Dracola: Transylvanian Coca Cola** Dracola used to be called Navel **NOOOO…She ruined Nevile too. Also what's with these weird pairings and ships?** but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. **Everyone's parents are dead. That explains why their kids are so fucked up.** Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. ***Sob* we've lost Neville now.** He was in Slitherin now. **Everyone is in syltherin. Luna Lovegood? Slytherin. Her parent's died and she went goth. Ron's rat? His parents were used in a lab experiment. He's a goth now too…except he's dead because ebony shanked him** He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula **. I'm sticking with Dracolo, the Transylvanian softdrink** now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **No, I don't get it and I never cared.** that his dad Lucian **Wait Draco's parent's are still alive? Finally! Someone with parents!** gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **Don't do drugs kids. Else you become like Ebony.** Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **That's all you have going in life? That's actually kind of sad** We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **You boyfriend is right next to you, you slut!** He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic **Ethnic?** voice. We moshed 2 Helena **Never heard of it** and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **Again? How many times can voldemort do the same ambush and you guys fall for it?** So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes **Hey! Voldemort is fabulous!.**... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. ***Groans*** It was….Vlodemort **The Russian Voldemort again?** and da Death Deelers! **Oh Noes! Not da Death Deelers!**

"U moronic idiots! " he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **Yes, please do.**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **Knife? Motherfucker you are the dark lord! Take out your wand!**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **Nooo…Voldemort was just about to kill Ebony!** He had lung **?** black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' **What!?** on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. **No…Please come back.** It was…DUMBLYDORE!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

 **AN: I SAID STOP FLAMING! If you do then you're a fuckin prep! Thanks to raven(Grrr…) for the help (What help!?) and stuff. You rock! and you're not a prep. Thanks for my sweater!(So the sweater brought Raven back to life?) PS the other reason Dumbledore swore is because he trying to be "goffik" so there! (That makes no sense whatsoever)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. **Really classy Ebony.** I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **Yeah nothing slutty about that.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **No I don't geddit and it's extremely stupid** Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. **I don't know what's going on.** Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. **Even the Broom? Please spare us** There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. **Nobody cares!** We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what **Just say sex. You are 17 years old!** to a Linkin Park song. **That's weird. Having sex to a linkin park song is just weird right? I mean you can't maintain a rhythm like that.** )

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **Grate? Yes, please grate Ebony into shreds** There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. **No…She ruined Hogwarts too!** But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **Whose wearing pink pants underneath the black pants?** And there were pastors **This school does need pastors** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson **Never heard of them** and the Backstreet Boys. **Hey! FOOK YOU! Backstreet Boys are cool!**

"WTF!" **Yeah, WTF?** I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote **You can't even spell your favorite bands correctly Ebony** t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs **My thighs?** and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula **Dracola** and Draco came. **Everyone is jizzing everywhere.** We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. ***groans***

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **When did he become a bellybutton?** was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard **Please don't let it be who I think it is** and everything came. **Hehehehehe. Jizz everywhere.** He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort **Finally someone bested this Russian voldemort!** yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare **He killed his rabbit? Awww…** black.

"….DUMBLEDORE? **No! Why!? *starts crying*** 1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **I'm also scared of goth Dumbledore.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily."As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. **At least someone is cheerful in this fuckin dreary world.** ****Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted **Disfusted?** and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1. **I actually agree with Ebony here. Bring back normal Dumbledore.**

"BTW you can call me Albert. **What no goth name for Dumbledore? No, Abbadon or Lucifer or anything?** " HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we **OUI OUI** to Transformation. **Transformation? You mean Transfiguration. What are they fucking teaching at Hogwarts?** We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. **Harry is looking at Draco. Not at you Ebony.** I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **It could be the AIDS you got from ebony, who got it from Draco** but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **Harry is 17. His life hasn't begun yet.**

I was so fucking angry.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise **Another great title? Tara, you are going places.**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

 **AN: Please stop flaming the story. If you do you're a fucking prep and you're jealous ok! 11 From now on I'm going to delete your mean reviews!111 BTW everyone is a pureblood so there! Thanks to Raven for the help!11**

 **Totally makes sense, right?**

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. **All day? Jesus that's some hate** We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. **Another concert? Might as well live in the mosh pit.** It had been postphoned, **Post phoned?** so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **You don't need to cut classes. It's not like you learn anything anyways.**

Draco was being all secretive. **About what? How do you know he is being secretive about no particular topic?**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot **Draco, you are a whiny bitch!** and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Not the way you describe them.**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare **His big black rabbit? That sounds wrong** went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. **Borken. Bork! Bork!** He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik **That is a special kind of cringy** ) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. ***cough*Slut*cough*** My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **Or just google it.**

"Accuse me? **Gladly** What about me!" I growled. **How narscassitic are you. Draco is going through some stuff. Ask him about you, you fucking toadstool.**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **Why are you moaning? That sounds wrong.**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **What does it look like? What is going on?**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily **Not sexily?** , cring. **Cringe. I agree** Draco banged on the door. ***Starts laughing* Sorry my mind has been turned dirty by Ebony** I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). **Not preppy at all.** I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **Is there any drug control in Hogwarts or anything? Because we can't even have nicotine patches on campus property.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. **HEHEHEHE** He had appearated. **Okay.**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **Yeah, "Hairgrid" Get out!**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! **Who is it now?** For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco **You barely know Tom Riddle** but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **Dumbledore has a purse? Oh god** "What are u wearing to the concert?" **Dumbledore one of the greatest wizards that ever lived is gossiping like teenage schoolgirl. Great.**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **Who talks like that?** **I hate this girl.**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **Why is everyone so interested in Ebony's drama and life. It's like the whole world is centered around this character…Ohhh…**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

 **AN: I said I don't care what you think! Stop flaming ok preps!(But you said you didn't care!) 1 thanks to Raven(Grrr…) for the help! 1 Oh yeah BTW I'll be on vacation in Transylvania(Lol sure) for the next 3 days so don't expect updates.**

All day I wondered what the surprise was. **Please let it be death** Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. **You can't be real. How many times can she describe this shit** MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, **How many concerts have been there in Hogsmeade by now? 50? 70?** since Volxemort **(Vlodemort/Vlocemort/Volfemort/Volsemort/Volxemort)** had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. **Wait, you slit your wrists while dancing excitedly?** Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes **Again? You had clothes on didn't you?** and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **How many times have they had sex in this week? Jesus.**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! **Yay** "R u gonna cum rape me or what." **Nobody wants to rape you Ebony. Calm down.** I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **Lupin did nothing wrong. He was simply chewing some food.**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell **Act shelly?** ) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **WTF. So your teacher randomly walks into your room asking for condoms? I'm sorry but I must be the rare one who hasn't experienced this.**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. **Hey Tonks is an adult woman.**

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **Yes. "Gong" away.**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. **Where?** Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, **Gross. This is the worst ship I've ever seen.** and Dobby was watching!1 **Why? Why did she ruin poor dobby's life?**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" **Ludacris?** they both shooted angrily when they saw me. **EWW** Dobby ran away crying. **I would too.** Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) **What is wrong with you Ebony?** but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) **Who's snake? And if you mean Snape. He's a teacher. He doesn't have a house.**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **You misspelled SPELLED! Are you kidding me?**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. **I mean she's not obligated to give you anything Lupin. Get your own fucking condoms. Also I'm telling Tonks about this shit.**

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. **Oh god she's an idiot.**

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot **Stop cumming everywhere Snape!** angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **Pretty sure that's illegal and you could get expelled for that but sure…**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?" **Ahahaha. Nobody goes "well excuse me!". They'd probably say: Did you just take a picture bitch?**

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. **They are adult wizards. They can literally kill you right now Ebony. I mean I would** "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. **Dumbledork? Okay that one has to be on purpose. Also Ebony, everyone and their cat knows that you and Draco are bumping nasties.** So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. **…You threw your wand at them? Why did you just not cast a spell you fucking imbecile?** Well anyway,I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. **You already have a boyfriend you bitch!**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him. **Why should Harry know?**

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **Draco going through erectile disfunction huh?** Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? **She does. She'd do it with a merman if she could** 2 the concert?"

Then….. he showed me his flying car. **Everybody has a flying car.** I gasped. It was a black car. **Surprise!** He said his dogfather **Dogfather?** Serious Blak **Serious Blak?** had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **He spelled you name wrong Ebony! I would be mad If I was her.**

….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. **Wow she ditched draco just because he can't cum? Man this girl is rutheless.**

Vampire and I began 2 make out, ***Cough*Slut*Cough*** moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. **Organism? She had an organism?** Gerard was so fucking hot! **The guy you cheated on with your boyfriend on is right next to you. Can you focus on one man for like 5 seconds ebony.** He begin 2 sing 'Helena' **I actually listened to song. It's not even bad** and his sexah **Sexah!** beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. **Hall? In a concert?** ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **Sorry Draco. If you can't get it up then you're not worth Ebony's time.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

 **AN: Fuck you ok! You fucking suck. It's not my fault if it's spelt wrong (What? But it's your story, how is it not your fault?) ok because that bitch raven (What did Raven take now?) cus it fuck u prepz! (That made no sense!) 1 woops sorry raven thanks 4 da help. (She just called her a bitch!) Btw Transylvania rocks hard!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da castle where Dracula was filmed! (No you didn't.)**

Later we all went in the skull. **Geddit, cus she's goffik?** Draco was crying in da common room. **Wasn't he crying at the concert?** "Draco are u okay?" **_Yes, that's why I'm crying._** I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. **Finally. Draco has some common sense** He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. **He ran away in a suicidal way? How do you do that?** I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **He has already done that twice I think.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better." **I'm sure you will! Huehuehue**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" **Yup.** I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. **Ewww. Harry wtf is wrong with you?**

"Draco please come!" ***laughs out loud*** he began to cry. **Why is everyone crying?** Tears of blood came down his pail face. **Go see a doctor.** I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. **Your boyfriend just ran away "in a suicidal way" Maybe go check up on him you selfish bitch. It's alright. It's not like he's going to die or anything.** (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **You literally called people "Gay Fags!".**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! ***Gasp* Footsteps?** Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. **His coke is invisible? Schrodinger's Drugs. They both exist and don't exist until you snort them** We both gut under it. **Gut?** We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **Mrs. Norris is a janitor? How did a cat get a job at Hogwarts?** there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. **Yes all these cats with flashlights in their hands.**

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. **Filth? Filch but he's really dirty?** He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **Oh, she made "Filth" the cat and Mrs. Norris the janitor!**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris. **I hate this girl.**

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast **Harry has boobs? WTF.** in a disgusted way. **Nice. You just gave your postion away you goddamn retard.**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **These idiots who are doing Schrodinger's drugs under the invisibility cloak!** Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. **Imagine a cat nodding.** And then….Vampir frenched me! **Harry. Now is not the time son** He did it jus as ….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" I'm **I'm what? A leprechaun?** he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. **Nobody cares at this point. It's not like he's going to die or anything.**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?" **You've cheated on him multiple times with his ex-gay boyfriend! No! He's not fucking okay!**

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **Wait what? He's actually okay?** We went back to our coffins frenching each other. **Draco forgave her? Seriously?** Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin **It's gory, not depressing** ) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up **…** and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. **How is she having visions? I thought it was Harry's thing?** There was a knok on the door and Fug **Fug?** and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school! **So Cornelius Fudge and the "Mystery of Magic" is here. I can't wait to tell the ministry what everyone has been up to in this retarded school! I'll tell on you Ebony!** 1 **1111111**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1

 **AN: STFU! Preps stop flaming ok. If you don't like it fuck off. I know it's .(No it's not .) It's Raven's fault ok!(It's your fucking story Tara. Stop blaming Raven. That's my job.) 11 You suck!1 No, just kidding(WTF. Does Tara think that Raven just forgets these insults after a few seconds?) Raven you fucking rock preps suck! 1**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **Misery of Magic? Even the ministry of magic is depressed!** Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. **Somebody needs to nail her coffin and bury it.** I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **Why is everyone watching Ebony sleep?**

I opened my crimson eyes. **How did she know they were there if her eyes were closed until now. Vampie/Witch powers?** Willow was wearing **I hope Ebony dies in the end.** a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. **She's done? Yay!** Under that **NO!** she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. **The boots were attached to her top? That looks ridiculous.** Vampire was wearing **Oh for Christ sake** a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing **Can this get any stupider?** a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary **Yes, Yes it can** was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' **It's even spelled wrong on the clothes!** and other swear words **Why would you wear that** and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny **Ginny?** ) was there too. She was **I want to murder her.** weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. **I couldn't care less if everyone was naked** So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. **Yeah my dad is a vampire too.** He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. **I thought vampire's couldn't die by slitting their wrists?** He had raped **… What!** them and stuff before too. **Yeah casual rape and abuse** They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Stan-ism. Worshipping Stan by Eminem.**

"OMFG" **Yaassss! Sorry! Just a random moment.** I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?" **To sacrifice her to Satan?**

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said. **Yes and it's you Ebony.**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." **She's naked? WTF! I like how Ebony is just standing there naked, making casual conversation** I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii **Every boy thinks a naked girl is cute** anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." **Alright Draco. Keep it in your pants.** Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. **You're a goth! How dare you smile like all the other preps!?** "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." ***Laughs out loud* So everyone watching Ebony has an erection. Jesus!**

"I will I will." he said. **Fuck you! Fuck you!**

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. **I will murder you Ebony** Then I came. **Oh god my mind has been turned dirty by Ebony** all went outside the Great Hal **You spelled Hall wrong !? I give up on life.** and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney **Britney! Finally someone whose normal around these parts** from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. **Thanks for wearing normal clothes Brittney.** Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged **The minister of magic is a woman? Finally the first woman minister of magic!** was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge **Dolores Umbridge but on a rum addiction** was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!" **Why? Because Ebony is so appalling? I mean it doesn't matter. Everyone is fucked up around these parts.**

"THE BARK LORD **Bark Lord? Yes the lord of all the barking. Commander of all doggos.** IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. **Honestly I would let voldemort kill them.**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **Dumbledore is the only one who actually did anything in this school. He saved the students at least two times!**

"Very well." Dumbledore **She spelt his name right!** said angrily. "Butt **Hehe.** we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **Why? What makes her the chosen one? Except for being the mother of all Mary Sue's? She literally threw her wand at Snape and Lupin when she was running away from them. You think this girl with all the intelligence level of a plywood plank is the most capable person to defeat Voldemort? Yeah fuck everyone in this universe.**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

 **AN: Shut the fuck up bitches!(Language Young Lady!) 1 Your just jealous cos I got 10000 reviews!(I just checked. They are all flames!) 1 thanks to Raven(Grrr…) for the help and telling me about the books.(Thanks Raven.) Girl you rock Let's go shopping together!(That's not preppy at all)**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge **The teacher hooked on Rum.** and Cornelia Fudgestomped out angrily. Then Dumbledumand Rumbridge sawed us. **Thanks! Finally they killed them!**

"MR. WAY **?** WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" **I'm beeping trying to read this beeping story! Beep Off you beeping cunt!**

Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared **Like a goat or a sheep?** at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" **What?** he corrupted her. **He corrupted her? That sounds pretty dark actually** "She means hi everybody cum in!" **Ebony I know you have low morals but jesus Christ! Everybody all at once? This is some Sasha Grey level slutiness!**

Well we all came in angrily. **Ewwww** So did all the other students. **Even louder Ewww** I sat between Darkness **Ginny** and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. **Hermione** Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **Who the beep is Ville Vollo?** I eight some Count Chocula **I actually just go with Fruit Loops** and drank som blood from a cup. **I usually go with a six-pack of blood** Then I herd **?** someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **Oh god! That is the grossest mental image I've ever pictured. Like Draco and Harry having a "swordfight" and then shooting. Okay...I'm sorry.**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked. **Yeah WTF.**

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **I want to shit next to her too.**

"No I do!" shouted. **Guys! Calm down. You can both shit next to her.**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco. **She's fucked both of you and she's expressed lust towards half of the men in this world. I'm not sure who she likes.**

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves **Lave me Lave me say that you Lave me** me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) **To be honest I was thinking of it in that way** They started to fight and beat up each other. **Or have sex. They have done it before.**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. **So Voldemort can come in Hogwarts at any time without any warning or consequences? Anybody wanna cast any protection charms? Or just use normal locks on doors?** He had no nose **So a man with no nose had no nose?** and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. **Yes the dark lord comes into your school to probably murder somebody and she cried. Honestly I think Britney is the only likable person in all of this story.** Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort! **Shakes head(Vlodemort/Vlocemort/Volfemort/Volsemort/Volxemort/ Volzemort)**

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer **Darth Valer? The love child of Voldemort and Darth Vader** sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **Cool. Go Ahead.**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. **Seriously? Hundreds of people in the school plus capable teachers and Dumbledore, one of the most able wizards and voldemort just walks away without a single spell being cast. I call bullshit.**

I bust into tears. **I give up. It's not worth it** Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. **Or you look like you're having a seizure** had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot **(Vlodemort /Vlocemort/ Volfemort/ Volsemort/ Volxemort/ Volzemort/ Voldremort)** coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **I'm pretty sure Draco is immortal at this point.**

"No!" I screamed sexily. ***Groan*** Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly **and sexily** as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive. **Draco's not going to like that.**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **Oh please. At least the girl in the ring had some morals even if she was a ghost.**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister **Is she evil?** about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." **Yaaassss Bitch.**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!

 **AN: Preps stop flaming the story. You're just jealous so fuck you ok. Go to hell! 11 Raven(Grrr…)thanks for the help!**

Well we had Deviation **They have probability and deviation at Hogwarts!** next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolryabout the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister **Wait I thought you were going to Professor Trelawney** in Japanese. **Oh god the weeaboo cringe is incoming.** She smelled at me **That's creepy.** with her gothic black lipstick. **Even Trelawney is gothic?** She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. **I mean if she manages to teach you anything it would be quite an achievement.** She had long dead black hair **Her hair is dead? That's not healthy at all** with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. **Fuck! Here's to hoping Trelawney had normal parents** She's also haf Japanese **So Tara just needed some excuse to insert her weeaboo crap in the fic** so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate **Cheese** ) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing **I will strangle a baby if she does another one of these clothing descriptions** a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. **Uhhhh…What?** I raced my hand. **Who won? You or your hand?** I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. **I swear Ebony is trying to look uglier.**

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" **Fuck you Hot Topic.**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. **Everybody knows what Hot Topic is.** I gave them the middle finger. **Better to chop off your entire hand and give it to them.** "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it? These are two great sentences.

"Ho **Even the teachers know Ebony is a Ho** about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said. **Such interesting conversation.**

"OK class fucking dismissed every1. **What class? You didn't teach anything to these kids** " Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." **Why does Ebony hate Britney so much?** she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) **I hope this girl goes to hell** 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." **You have dementia and should probably go see a doctor.** I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **He's already died like twice.**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it. **Yes lock her inside this "cryptal" ball and never let her out.**

"What do you c?" she asked. **Oh god. How long is the word See that you have to use c?**

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **You're an idiot Ebony.**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. **This is probably a booty call** He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." **WTF kind of teachers are these!** said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving. **I would be expelled if I said that to a teacher.**

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **Oh god.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

 **AN: Stop flaming ok. If you don't then I'll tell Justin to beat you up! (*In an unenthusiastic voice *Oh noes! Not justin. I'm so scared right now.) 1111 and I'll all the nerds to put viruses in your computer! (Lol is she threatening her readers?) 11111111111 FUCK YOU! 1 Raven(Grrrr…) thanks for the help!1**

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again **She is a sex freak!**. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car. **Ugghhh.**

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **No. Just. No**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." **She didn't say that.** I grumbled in a sexy voice. **Fuck off!** He took out a heroin cabaret **A drug instrument?** and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. **Its almost ironic at this point. To readers who don't get it. Sporking is making fun of a fanfiction. Just like this one.** He started to fly the car into a tree. **Finally! *Thanks god*** We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR. **I was hoping they would die but you can't always get everything in life can you?**

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. **Let me get my puke bucket.** He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. **Please don't.** Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **That's not how sex works Ebony! For fuck sake. I don't usually recommend this to 17 year olds but go watch some porn Ebony.**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. **Ugh.** We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. **She fell asleep during sex!? My ribs hurt from laughing.** I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them.He ran away in a red car. **Wow. Such interesting story details.**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice. **You are still asleep!**

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes. **Fuck off!**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. **I hope she bleeds out** I told Draco to call Vampire. **Oh god are they going to have a threesome?** He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt **She said butt again!** the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious! **Gasp! Look at these two characters that have almost had no description or story time and I never really cared about** 11


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

 **AN:Preps stop flaming the story ok!(When has this ever worked)1 If you don't like the story then go fuck yourself you fucking prep!(*Sniff* Why is she so mean!) You suck!111 Oh yeah and I wasn't being racist ok!11(When was she being racist? *scrolls up*)**

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. **Harry, the chosen pervert.** He was wearing a blak leather jackson, **He was wearing a leather Jackson? Holy shit** black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **What, she was flirting and then crying? I would be confused if she liked me or not with that** Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. **I'm sure he's doing more than just trying to comfort you. Also both of you are naked** I started to cry tears of blood and **then she bled out** then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" **That's my attitude towards this whole story.** Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly **not sexily**. "What fucking dick did that!" * **Blinks*** **Draco's dick…**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **I thought Dumbledore was no longer the headmaster because he had Alzimers.**

We ran out of the tree **Ran out of the tree? Please fall to your death *Crosses fingers*** and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office. **He doesn't have an office now.**

"Sire **Sire? Yes milord.** are dads have been shot!" **Oh yeah, Lucian and Serious were shot. Don't worry. We were just about to have sex in a tree.** Draco said while we wipped **Like with whips?** sum tears from his white face. **Sexah** "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **Wow. So special.**

Dubleodre started to cockle. **Cockle?** "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **Ebony's divisional? I give up.**

I glared at Dumbledore. **Fuck you.**

"Look motherfucker." **Yes. That's a great way to ask for help. By cussing at them** he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). **C is dat toot of crakter? I have no clue what she's saying** "U know very well that I'm not decisional. **Yes ebony can't make any good decisions in her life** Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **Ahahah. That's it. Series/ Lucian sex tape incoming.**

"Okay." he said in a intimatedvoice. "Were are they?" **I mean they've been shot. They'd probably be dead by the time you'll find them**

I fought about it. **Fought with who?** Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." **Longdon? Yes. Longdon is my city.** I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **Yes, I know exactly what he did now, it's so fascinating!** After a few mistunes **?** he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **Nobody cares at this point.** We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. ***sighs*** Then, we kissed. **What! All three of you!?** Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers **Yeah. While Series and Lucian are getting shot and fighting for their lives, Ebony, Draco and Harry and snogging.** ….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **Wow! What amazing cliffhangers!**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u **I digress.**

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111

 **AN: You know what!1111 I don't give a fuck what you preps think about me!1111 So stop flaming the fucking story bitches!1111 Thanks to Raven for your love and support and help. I love you girl. Sorry I couldn't update lol I was really depressed and I slit my wrists. I had to go to the hospital. Raven you rock girl! 111111111111111**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly **Cry happily? Did ebony die?** \- I had saved them. **You did nothing** Drako, **And who the fuck is Drako?.** Lucian, Serious bond **Call me Bond. Serious Bond** Vampire all came to hug me. **That's gross considering you and Draco are still naked!** The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Enoby. **Oh for the love of god! The last thing I want to see in this story is a bukake scene** " said Proffesor Sinatra. **Frank?** She was wearing **I hate her. I hate her so much.** a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it **No. Just no.** and fuking black platinum boots. "I have to tell you the fucking perdition." **Yes please tell her the "perdition"**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded. **Drake is there too? Well fuck.**

I smelled happily **Please stop.** and went into a dark room. I had changed **changed into what?** Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. **Oooh, black cards.** She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." **Well yeah, you're in a dark room.** She said badly. She peered into da balls. ***Giggles*** "You see, you must go back in time." **Why** She took out a Time-Toner **Turner** like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint **(Vlodemort /Vlocemort/ Volfemort/ Volsemort/ Volxemort/ Volzemort/ Voldremort/Voldemint)** was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. **Oh no. Not his "hearth borken"** Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" **Yes. Yes he would be** I shook my head. **This is so stupid.** "U must go back in time and sedouce him. **What! I mean It kinda makes sense since the only skill Ebony has shown in this fic is having sex with different people.** It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. **Yes this teenage girl who throws wands instead of casting spells will totally defeat the most powerful dark wizard of all times** You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. **I have been staring at this sentence for 5 minutes now. I have no clue what it means.** I went outside again sadly. **Please go outside sexily.**

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, **Ginny** Willow **Raven** and Boldy Mary? **Hermione.**

I was about to tell them butt ***Shakes head*** every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. **(Lucian and Sirius are being fondeled? And everyone is celebrating that?)** Everyone was proud of me butt **(Groan)** I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. **Translation, I just wanted to shag Draco.** They were cheesing my name **Yum** and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore.A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. **I am laughing now.** Even Mr. Noris looked happy. **Cats are never happy.** A blak and red cake had been brought out. **All this for what? Ebony did nothing!** Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx **Why not the Weasly twins?** in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. **Oh God kill her please.**

I put on my Invisibility coke **Schrodinger's Drugs** with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **To do drugs and have a threesome? Eww.**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!

 **AN: I said stop flaming the story it was a mistake when professor Trewaleny said that ok!(It's your story. You can correct it. Proof reading is a thing!)11111111 Go to fucking hell!(Ladies first Ebony)1111 You suck! Thanks to Fily (Who's Fily?)for the help1! Raven(Grrr…) have with kiwi!(The fruit or the animal?)**

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak **The black room had black walks? Who could've foreseen that!** with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Masonall over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. **What is happening in this room?** There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. **Not impressed** I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings **_suckings?_** and a blak leather thong underneath. **_Why, Ebony? Why?_**

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly.So did Drako **Where's Draco and who's this imposter?** and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine. **(His hand is a bastard?)** He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it. **_Oh fuck you Harry._**

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. **_I would wash my hands if I was touching Ebony_** I smiled sadly **Only ebony can smile sadly** with my blak lipstick. **Geddit, cus she's goffik.** "The problem is…. **You Ebony.** I have to seduce Volxemort. **(Why not just kill him instead. It seems to me that you're just trying to get that dark lord dick.)** Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. **_Dude! Voldemort is going to steal your girlfriend and you're hugging your ex-boyfriend/ love rival?_**

"Itz okay Eboby." **_Eboby? Ebony but with better boobs._** he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?" **It doesn't really matter Draco. She's banged like half the school at this point.**

"Of coarse not!" I gasped. **_No, not coarse. Really smooth Ebony._**

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. **Harry Wtf!**

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift **Harry is still there!** and seductvely took of his pants. **This is where Harry tears out his eyes** He was hung lik a stallone. **Sylvester Stallone? How many dicks have you seen Ebony?** He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby **He spelled you name wrong on the tattoo!** on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. **_No he doesn't._** Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). **Why is she getting this video taped!?**

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif. **Please. Send Help…Or a gun.**

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it. **Spock? WTF.**

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm **_Now I know why people commit suicide_**. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. **Harry got cucked?** Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!" **Oh come on. They've been caught having sex like 5 times now. How is this a surprise to anyone.**

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 **_Snope and Mcgoggle? I give up._**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up! 11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u 1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

 **AN: Shut the fuck up!11 You're just jealous coz you're a prep so fuck you 1111 Raven(Grrr…) you rock girl. Thanks you the help. MCR rocks 666! 111111111111**

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin **No, just no**. Snap and Professor McGoonagle **Mc google, hey did McDonalds and Google have a love child?** started to shoot at us angrily. **uhhhh.**

"CUM NOW **That one's on purpose.**!1!" Preacher McGongel **She's a preacher? Hallelujah** yielded. We did guiltily. **And sexily.** We left the room putting on our clothes. **So you were naked, while the teachers were there!?** Snoop **Dogg** garbed the caramel **Caramel? Mmmmhhhmmm** and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily **Everyone is cumming in this story. This is the weirdest porno ever.**.

"Yeah buster **lol. Buster.** what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" **I don't know, probably taking videos** Draco demonded **?** all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. **Not Longley** "Look, Dumblehor **Dumble whore? Even Dumbledore is promiscuous** noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. **The hospital for fruits** So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic **Mystery of Mogic.** thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly. **What is snoop dogg doing at Hogwarts.**

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum **Oh come on.** into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom **.** lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif **Kill me please.** but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz **WTF** I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **RIP Gerard Way.**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1 **It doesn't make any sense.** ). Vampire took out a black honkerchief **Honkerchief is pretty funny. Honk Honk.** and started to wipe my red eyes. **Sexily right?**

And then….. he and Snoop **Dogg?** both took out guns using magic. **Guns using magic? Why? Why not just use spells?** They started to shoot each other angrily. **Stop it you fucking poser preps** Non of the ballots **They were casting votes?** gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

"Crosio!" **Is this supposed to be Crucio?** I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram **He ran away from your curse? You suck at magic Ebony** he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets **What is going on?**. I STOPPED DA CURSE. **Didn't she say she was a sadist?** Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. **Why did she chain you guys?** She took out a box of tools. **I'm confused.** Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. **She just them for Snape to torture them?** Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. **Nothing new.**

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. **Evergreen will be alright?** Remember the cideo u took of Snake." **Yes, I also remember the "cideo" she took of "Snake"**

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **Oh no, not the whips again. RIP Draco**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30.

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok !1111 so FUL U !111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass …!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

 **AN: Stop flaming the story ok? You don't know what's even gonna happen ok! 1111 So fuck you!1111 If you flame you will be a prep so all flamers can kiss my ass….! 111 Sorry for saying alzhimers is dangerous but that's the Ministries opinion cause society basically sucks. Thanks to Raven you rock bitch!111**

"No!11" we screamed sadly. **Maybe do something instead of crying and being sad?** Snap stated loafing meanly. **He was doing nothing meanly?** He took out a kamera anvilly. **He took out a camera and an anvil?** Then…he came tords Darko! **Darko?** 1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle. **Wtf are you doing Snape?**

"What the fuck r u doing!" **I ask myself this every day**.I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. **Oh God, please no. Why is every villain in the story molesting Draco?** I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! **… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I'm done. This is the best fanfiction I've ever read! WTF. Just imagine Snape pulling down his pants and there's a dark mark on his penis! Perfect. This story is perfect.**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me. **I'm sorry. I'm still getting over the dark mark on the dick…or dick mark!**

"U must stab Vrompire." **What? Why? Also you just gave your enemy a knife. She could just stab you!** he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1" **I just threw up a little in my mouth. WTF is wrong with you Tara!**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded. **I thought she loved watching guys do it…**

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. **I mean you are about to be raped Draco. Now is the time to scream!** He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) **I hate her. I hate her so much** between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. **Now is not the time think which guy to fuck Ebony! You are being held hostage!** I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came **Huehuehue** and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. **Ah…Of course I remember all of that. *Shakes head***

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. **(Vlodemort /Vlocemort/ Volfemort/ Volsemort/ Volxemort/ Volzemort/ Voldremort/Voldemint/Volxemort). This Voldemort Impersonator Club seems cool.** He started to do an incapacitation **Uhhh…** dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. **That's pretty funny actually .** Suddenly an idea I had. **This sentence pisses me off so much** I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers **What vampire powers?** I sent a telepathetic **She could use telepathy this entire time?** Massage to Drako and Vampire **Now is not the time for that Ebony** so they would destruct Snape.

"Dumbeldork **LOL** will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" **Oh no! Not the Mystery!** Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand. **She had a wand the entire time? Why didn't she…You know what…I don't even care anymore.**

"You ridiculus dondderhed! **Sick burn Snape.** 111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him ***closes eyes in horror*** ….

"Crosio!" I shited ***giggles*** pointing my wound. **Your wound?** Snoop **Dawg** scremed and started running around da room screming. **That's kinda funny.** Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. **Seriously!? A text? CALL HIM, YOU IDIOT!** I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. **Severus is Snape!**

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." **You cannot be serious!** he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. **Hey! He was teaching them something. That's why his and Draco's pants are off…** Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go." **Finally. This nightmare is finished! YAY!**


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31.

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary suok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

 **AN: I said shut the fuck up you quiephs!(I have no clue what this word means. Seriously. I tried. )111 Stop calling Ebony a Mary Sue ok(She is the biggest Mary Sue in the entire world). You don't even know what's going to happen ok.(I agree. I didn't see the insane plot twist of Dark mark on Snape's penis. So she's right. I don't know. ) So fuck you!1111 Thanks to my BFF Raven(Grrr…) for the help! 1111**

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111) **How did buffy the vampire slayer come in here. Also I don't see the connection here**. " Serious said 2 Snape.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed. **Hahahaha. Sure Snape. Sure.**

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum **No. Just no.** out of my poket and gave it to Serverus **You gave it to snape?**. He made Snap dirnk it. **Is Snape having a multiple personality disorder episode? What is happening?** He did arngrily. Then Luscious **fuck off** took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. **What was he recording?.** Then Proffesor Sinisterand Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. **What secrets? Come on. I wanna know too.** Lucian took Vampure **Vampire is pure now** and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. **Hahahaha. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you….Just picture it!** Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. **Oh…poor voldemort!** Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana **Nirvana is gothic? When did that happen?** were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry. **Please be poison. Please be poison. *Crosses fingers***

"U will c." **How much time and effort does it take to spell "see"** she said. I opened thee **Sigh** bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. **So they gave her a dress to go to the future? Nothing else? Your friends suck Ebony!** I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick. **Ugghhh…**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." **Yaasss bitch!** B'loody Mary said.

"Fangs." I said. **Please stop.**

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." **Who's Tim and why is Ebony trying to have weird sex with him?** said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. **Re dis net. Evil…I will fucking end her life. *Holds up a knife*** Then she gave me a black time-tuner. **Should I ask why everything is black?** "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. **What? The pensive is not required to go back in time Ebony** Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. **Please shoot her.** Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. **I have no idea what she just said.** Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. ***Groans***

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen.He was wering long blak hair, **He was wearing hair?** kinda like Mikey Way only black. **Imagine if Mikey Way was black.** He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. **Seriously, why can nobody in this universe dress properly?** It was….Tom Bombodil!1111 **Tom Bombodil? Are you kidding me! *falls down to the floor* Make it stop. Please. Somebody.**


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32.1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

 **AN: 1111 If you don't like the story then you can go screw yourself!1111 You suck! 11111(What do all these 1's mean?)**

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him. **Everybody in this universe would spontaneously combust if the color black ceased to exist.**

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. ***Throws computer out the window*** Datz ma middle nam" **Tom Marvolo Satan Riddle. Great way to ruin your own name you idiot.**

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" **Wait greenday existed then? I thought it would be more like Metallica or Motorhead.** (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s **I am going to have a psychotic breakdown if she says Geddit again.** )

"omg me too!" I replied happily. **Happily? Fuckin Prep.**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered. **Not again….**

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." **You fucking imbecile!** he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-" **Oh hell naw!**

'topic!" I finshed, happy again. **Posers.**

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." **Hot Ishoo?** He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned. **How does he know what has happened in the future? I mean the plot holes in this story are…Ha what am I talking about. This whole story is a giant plot hole.**

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. **It does? Because I didn't understand anything from that** "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted. **Holy Shit! How old is Dumbledore?**

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"

"OMfG SHME **Shame! Shame!** TOO!" I SHRIEDKED. **Stop shrieking, you harpy.**

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik **I can't do this anymore** ) he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLEDHAPPili. **She spelled happily as happili? *Grabs knife***

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding **He shredded you? Don't get my hopes up Ebony** at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair **WHAT!** and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!" **I love Dumbledore so much.**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps." **I side with Dumbledore in this case.**

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord." **The Bark Lord! And you just blew your cover ebony!**

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly. **Yeah just accuse him of being the evilest wizard in the land and then say "oh nothing"**

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. **YES!** everyone looked At ME weirdly." **It's the way you dress Ebony.**

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell. **Imagine, her falling down a hole and him just standing there, bored, casually asking where she's going.**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. **She's back to the present now?** Dumblydum **dum dum** wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?" **You told her to come here after an hour! Not just the students even the teachers in this alternate version of Hogwarts are complete idiots.**

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that." **See.**

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." **Why would you willingly drink that?** she started to cry black tears of depression. **She needs a checkup** dumblydum **dum dum** didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear. **This is so stupid.**

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away. **Why is everyone so mean to Dumbledore?**

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum." **Ahahaha. Now you can only speak the truth. Honestly it kinda sucks.**

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ **Drinking a potion that makes you speak only the truth is an addiction?** 2O GO 2 HELL **Reading this story, I'm already there**!1111112


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33.

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it! 111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

 **AN: I said shut up. It's not my fault.(It is) If you don't like the story then you're a prep so fuck you flamers!1111 PS I'm not updating until you give me five good reviews and this time I mean it! (She was lying before about getting good reviews? I knew it.) 1111111 You suck! (I like how she threatens and curses at her readers and then asks for good reviews.)11111 Thanks Raven(Grrr…) for the help. I'll promise to help you with your story lolz1 (She's writing another story! WE NEED TO STOP HER!)**

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?" **St. Manga's. A place for manga readers.**

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, **Egogy. You know you're an idiot if you can't even spell you own fucking name** I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson **Who the heck is this?** 4 sum help?" **Help with?**

"Sure I said sadly **And sexily**. I went outside the door. Draco was there! **I know why he's here. *Grins*** 111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

"Hey Sexxy." I said. **I knew it! He's here to get laid.**

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking. **So Sexah!**

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm. **Giving pre-pubescent teenagers with raging hormones, a common dormitory seems like a really bad idea.**

"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously. **At this point even Draco knows she's fucking other dudes! Oh god!**

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked. **Bork! Bork!**

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily. **Look at Ebony! No seriously look at her. I'm pretty sure she will do it with him even if she doesn't have to.**

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched. **That's not how relationships work Ebony.**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" **He got sniped.** I growled. **Also was Ebony thinking of Snape while kissing her boyfriend/fuckbuddy?**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. **I can totally see them giggling like little five year old girls.** He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife. **Torture, yes very good stuff. Can we swap Snape with Ebony please?**

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious **Series is a vampire too?** started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. **You statistical bitch!** I tok some photons **as opposed to some electrons or neutrons?** of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men **You are a fucking sadist Ebony!** but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz **She's so randomly stupid** ). We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. **Wow it's like a buffet. Just take your blood and snacks and go up to your rooms kids.** We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111 **Tara has some weird movie selections** ) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. **Why did they put them on if they were going to take them off anyways?** I tok of his shit **Ewwww** nd he had a six-pak, lolz. ***Whispers slowly* Help. Me.** We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. **WTF** He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. **Wetness…Into my...Sexily…Orgy…I hate her more than I hate myself. And that's some criteria there Ebony.**

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed **I want to rip my eyes out after reading that** passively as he got an eructation.

 **Passively and eructation? I give up! There's no logic in this world.**

"I luv u TaEbory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol. **How boring is their sex? They just fall asleep randomly during it.**


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34.

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly **.** al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

 **AN: SHUT THE FUCK UP PREPS! 1111 Have you even read the story! (Unfortunately…Yes.) 11 You are probably all just preps and posers so fuck you! (Don't flatter yourself Ebony) 111 Thanks to Raven (Grrr…) for the help!1 (I genuinely want to know what Raven helped her with? Grammar? Spelling? Sentence structure? Plot? Lemon? Where is the fucking help!?)**

I wook up in da coffin de next waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss **So goffik and Sexah!** ****that was all ripped at da end. ***cough* Slut *cough*** There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. **Mr & Mr. Smith? The gay company?** I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots,. Suddenly…. Sorious cockedon da door. **Hahaha. Cocked on door :knocking on the door with his cock.** I hopened it. **Hopened it?**

"Hi Ibony." **Ebony's names: Enoby, Eboby and Ibony** he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum **…** **Oh jesus she's a sex freak!** 2 Profesor Sinistor's office." **Cum to the office? That depends on how sexah the office is.**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzdvoice. I had wanted to fuk **_the world_** Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway. **In this universe, orgasms are too common.**

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily. **_So you're flirting with the godfather of your boyfriend's ex-gay boyfriend? I don't need to cough anymore. SLUT!_**

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic ****way. **Really? What was the probability of them getting tortured Series.** "They r in Abkhazian **Abkhazian: The discount wizard prison** now, lol."

I laughed evilly.

"Where r Draco and Vampira? **Vampira? Oh I forgot. Harry has boobs.** " I muttered.

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day. **The only words spelled correctly in this sentence is "are"** " Sodomize **uhhh…what? Serius did anal with Ebony? For fuck sake!** moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas." **Such horror! Much wow! Great danger!**

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ **Where's the link Ebony?** She wuz drinking some Volximortserum. **Careful. If you OD on vorteserum then you have to speak the truth for all of your life.**

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner. **Torner *Bangs head against wall***

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." **Why does everyone trust ebony! She is literally the most inconsistent and unreliable person I've ever seen** she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!" **I hope you get bit by a dog. A cute one… A corgi.**

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning **Gothic breakfast time**. I was sitting next to Satan **Careful!** On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. **Why was he on the table?** He looked just like Charlyn Manson. **Charlyn Manson?** I noticed…he was drinking a portent. **Fuck off!**

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn **Ahahah. I love this name. Ebony's kids are going to be named Slutborn.** " Satan said. "He's da Portents teacherEbony?"

"Yah?" **YAASSS** I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."

"Yah?" **YASSS…I'll stop.**

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort **The contort?** and da movie wif me?


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35. gost of u **Best chapter titles ever.**

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius! 1 fangz.

 **AN:Thanks to Suzi for the idea! 1 You rock! Fuck off preps!11111111111 thanks to Raven for the help you rock girl! 1 PS: I'm going to end the story really soon so FUCK YOU!111 Oh yeah and if you know any gothic names please tell me cause I need one for serius! 1 Thanks.**

I went in2 da Conmen Room **Conmen Room: Room where all the hoodlums gather** finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco **Isn't this the past? Draco hasn't been born yet I think.** wuz there!111

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

"Draco what da fuk r u dong! **Yeah Draco. Wtf are you "dong"** 111111" I gosped. **She gosped.**

"Huh?"he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan **Oh it was Draco's Dad. "Lucan". Oh god Ebony's gonna sleep with him isn't she?**!1 He stil had two arms. **Wow. Who knew humans had two arms?**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook **Lucian please strangle her. She's the reason your unborn son is so fucked up** handz."

"Yah Satan **You know. Casually making conversation with the devil** told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy **Sexah** gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. **A bunch of gothic guys were sitting in a corner knitting? Fuck man. Goths are weird.** It wuz Serious, **How serious was it?** Vampire's dad **James?….** and…Snap! **What? Snape was goffick too?** All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. **I have a bad feeling about this.**

"ORLY." I ESKED. **ORLY.**

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX. **That's the worst name I've ever heard after GothicRose666Tears** I play teh gutter. **He plays a gutter?** Spartacus **I'm sorry who?** plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. **Snape is a boss! Hell yeah!** And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring." **Oh god someone please grant me death.**

"Hey bastards." **Is this how she thinks guys talks to each other? Fucking bastards.** I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. **I still have no idea what this is. Can someone who's a goth PM me what this means?** Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly. **I don't like where this is going.**

"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists." **Why? And why are you motherfuckers still taking gigs? You lead singer is dead!**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped. **Oh no. She's gonna Mary Sue all over this isn't she?**

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro **(Groan)** said.

"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself." **Yes it's named GothicRose666 or something like that**

"Rilly?" asked Snap. **ORLY** I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!1111

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?" **You can't even spell your band's name right Ebony. What. The. Fuck.**

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) **I will physically hurt her.** Gurn Day. **Yes Of course. The popular band "Gurn Day" with their singles like "Bolevard of Borken Dreemz"**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." **I'm genuinely gonna cry if this goes on.** I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song **NO WAY! I totally thought you did Ebony.** ).. Every1 gasped.

"Enopby? **Your own fucking name is spelt wrong. You know what. I give up.** Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?" **That's not how it works. That's not how any of it works.**

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. **You just wore a new outfit to the past bitch** I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. **Can you imagine that? That sounds so ridiculous.** It wuz…..Morty Mcfli! **Who the fuck is this now?** 1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. **More than 50% of the words in that sentence are spelt wrong.**

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." he said siriusly **How does he know that you are from the future? And who the fuck is this guy? Stranger Danger Ebony.** Den….he took out a blak tim **Oh yeah. Tim, the black guy who Ebony was trying to have weird sex with** machine. I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111 **Wow these sentences. I'm just amazed.**


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36.

AN: I sed stop flaming ok! 111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz !111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

 **AN: I said stop flaming ok!1111111111 I bet you're all probably seventy year olds! (How did she know!) 1111 PS Portersuz you're a prep! (Special thanks to Portersuz )1 Oh yeah and thanks to Raven (Grrr…) for the help!111 Have fun in "Englond" girl!1111 (Englond is my city.)**

I loked around in a depresed **and sexah** way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates **Holy shit! Socrates goes to Hogwarts!** and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.

"OMFG **If I hear someone talk like that in real life I would seriously consider that persons intelligence** Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111"

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly.

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry **"Hey slut"** said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom. **She's still addicted huh?**

Hi fuker." **I wish I could say that to our teachers** I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too." **Nope. Not gonna comment on that.**

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik ***** **Slowly walks forward with knife** ***** **I'm coming for you Ebony.** ) gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting **As in knitting? Is this a goth thing? Do Goths like to knit stuff?** session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby. **Everybody is in love with Ebony. She doesn't need love potions when she has the power of Mary Sues** " Darko said resultantly.

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let's go.

We went sexily **Sexahily** to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck! **That is the best name I've ever heard…maybe except Slutborn** 11111

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. **I love this school so much.** "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. **So they sent Dumbledore to Azkhaban because he had cancer and he was old? WTF MAN.** "Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily. **And sexily.**

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik! **Nobody cares!** 1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE **Dolores Rumridge**!111"

He stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. **Right inside the classroom. Hogwarts has no rules whatsoever. Students are walking in naked,drinking and doing drugs in classrooms and nobody gives a shit!** Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. **Lol why is hagrid in the closet?**

"WTF is he doing?" **I'd like to know that too.** I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. **That was random.** Suddenly…" HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. **Please, please let it be poison.**

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion **It doesn't matter. She didn't know shit to begin with**!111


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37.

 **AN** : OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATIONON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIKOR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

 **AN: Ok everybody I'm going on vacation on the first of July. (Oh hey! She didn't start he authors note by screaming at us for being preps and posers…Awww... I miss that) So I'm either gonna end the fic or update it in weeks. Thanks! 1 Oh yeah and preps stop flaming the story! (Oh. We're back)11 Raven(Grrr…) thanks for the help. See you girl after vacation!11**

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL **Darko?**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor. **Seriously? Holy shit! These kids are extreme.**

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" **I wish Satan would respond just once with: Fuck off Ebony. I'm busy with death and destruction.** Enoby said. She wuz so hot. **She was? You mean now she isn't?** "Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1" **No amount of amnesia potion is going to help you love.**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful anewayTata, **Tata, Bye.** " said Vampire. "Why would u need it?" **She needs the amnesia potion for Tom Riddle to forget that she dresses like an idiot and has all the personality of an amazonian tree frog.**

"To make everyfing go faster lol." **Ewww.** said Enoby.

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly. **Dude where was this jealousy when she was shagging harry or flirting with Serius. She's had sex with Tim, the black guy and anal with Sirius.**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, **The only character that I care about** a fucking prep.

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry'sroom."

Draco, Ebory **?** and I went to Profesor Siniater'sroom. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there.Instead Tom Rid was. **What? Isnt he in the past?**

Oh hi fuckers he said.Lizzen, **Who's she?** I got u sum kewl new clovez. **Oh it's the tom riddle from the present. The salesguy who was selling "gothic camera pouches"**

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic **goffik** way. I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik **She got imprisoned for being too gothic?** she is in Azkhabian now.Classes shal be taught by Dubledork **Dumbledore but with lower IQ** who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came. ***Chuckles* I love how everyone keeps cumming in this story.**

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine! 111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim! **Really? Still fucking around with Tim, the black guy?** 11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's **Hehe.** efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. **Okay. WTF.** I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. **It's his office lol.**

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket. **That's the dumbest excuse I've ever head. No way "Professor Slutborn" believes this.**

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn. **I've reached a conclusion. Everyone is blind in this story.**

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. **They're gonna steal your clothes in the Conmen room.** Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR. **How are they practicing without a lead singer?**

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. **Oh god. She's trying to seduce them. Slutborn.** "Wheres Satan?"

"Oh he's cumming. **On who?** " said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Hades **No. Just no.** now." Suddenly Satan came. **He was cumming before too** He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." **What? This is your band! You are supposed to go with them Ebony!** I said and then I went with Satan. **Where are you guys going? Oh why do I ask. They are probably going to have sex.**


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38.

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quizok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111

 **AN: What does everyone think If I end the story (I would be the happiest person on the planet) and then I add some more to it after vacation? (No. No need. Just end the story.) Oh yeah and preps stop flaming. If you don't like the story then take my quiz ok. (Nope) Then you will see if you're gothic or not!1111111**

Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. **If a real car looked like that it would get vandalized so fast** On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. **That's not legally possible Ebony** I went in it seduktivly.Stan **You're getting into Stan's car? Stan from Eminem? I don't think you've heard that song** **Ebony** started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan **Fuck off** ), kuttting **knitting** , musik and being goffik.

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy) **No comments.**

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." **Well I decided to commit suicide when I read this story** I said in a flirty voice. "….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?"

 **Yes.**

 **Hit them over the head. Really hard.**

 **ORLY?**

 **YASSS BITCH!**

"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod." **You have to drink Harry's blood?**

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist.In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer **I love this. Imagine Buffalo Bill. Knife in one hand, milk and cereal in the other** came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. **You're idiots.**

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. **What genius idea is it this time?** I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. **This is your master plan Ebony?** I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere. **You're gothic. We get it.**

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?" **What?**

I new that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." **That makes no sense at all.** He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u." **That's creepy. Because amnesia potion would be a roofie equivalent in the muggle world wouldn't it?**

"Kul." **You know you are not cool when you can't spell COOL** I raised my eye suggestingly. **Please no. Don't do this Ebony. My poor heart can't take another one of your badly written put-his-wetness-into-my-thing-sexily. Please. I'll pay you to shut up.** And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily ***Starts crying*** and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. **I've lost all faith in humanity.** He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. **Or maybe…just maybe, she's trying to watch the movie while you guys are trying to…I don't even what to call it anymore.**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood

 **Can the police fucking arrest her already**.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped **Everyone just took a shit in the theater? Jesus** koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

"Zomg **Who says ZOMG?** how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire." **Dun Dun Dun!** I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" he gasped.

 **ORLY**

"Yah siriusly." **YAASSS** I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. **Fucking Creep.**

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?" **Yeah right, it's not like you were watching it anyway.**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol. **How dare you laugh out loud? What are you a Christian prep?1111**

 **Oh god. The infection. It's spreading.**

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist **Jeus Krist?** Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. **So sexah** I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism! **Ewww.** 1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant **Whose the peasant around here?** …..XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. **On stag?**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram **NO** betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. **That sounds awful** Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. **What! He got a boner from hearing you sing?** "I'M NUT **Yes. She is nuts.** OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?" **It was a small mistake.**

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily. **Calm down James.**

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1" **Thanks.**

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious. **It was his fault but it was just a simple mistake. No harm done fellas.**

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. **I have no clue who Samaro is.**

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. **Fucking wizards and their knife fights.**

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. **With a knife?**

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 **YES! YES! Thank the lord for he is our savior.**

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz.

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.

 **I just want to say that I love this girl. I love her so much and I wouldn't like to add much commentary to this cause it's already pretty perfect.**

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl,I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. **We all love you and will support you.** Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

 **Thank you so much.**

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. **This girl deserves some cookies.** She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, **Have I told you how much I love you?** and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened. **That's perfectly normal. No explanation required.** ) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. ***Looks at her with adoring eyes* Have my babies…**

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time. **So like two weeks?**

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. **Thank you so much for this** Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister. **The horrors.**

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it. **Yes! Ebony deserves it.**

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" **Now you know how we feel Ebony** Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic. **On behalf of the entire planet: Thank you Miss. Genius Troll.**

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

AN: stfu prepz git a lif111111 U SUCK! 11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

 **AN: STFU preps get a life 111111 You suck! 11 Oh and from now on I'll be in vacation in "Englind" until like August so I won't be able to update for a while, lolz. Thanks to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed. FUCK YOU! MCR RULES 666! 111**

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite **Because your boyfriends chained him to the ground and beat him up** me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. **Cats do like to clean up.**

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" **Even Satan's like: Don't put this on me. It's all you bitch** I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came.He loked less mean then usual. **Okay…**

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded. **Won't it be funny if she tells the dark lord that she was in bed and sick so she needs to rest and voldemort goes: I'm sorry madam. I'll be back tommrow. Get well soon.**

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11"he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. **All selective? She selected what kind of tears she can cry? #Gothproblems**

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked. **He's here to kill you and your boyfriends and you are worried about him. Sometimes I wonder how your brain functions. How does it not just implode on itself?**

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. **Black boxes? What?**

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary. **Where's Draco in all of this?**

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now? **I wish *Sighs sadly*** " I gosped.

"Enoby u were almost shot! **Almost but not quite** 11" said Serious. **Seriously** "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time." **That's not how time works**

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! **What a fucking surprise!**

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James. **Snap was possessed by Snap? This is some next level demonic possession where you posses yourself.**

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" **Yes that's the important part. He was Death Eater and that's all cool but he was such a prep that's the important bit.** said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him."Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. **For what?** I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride **.** in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz. **Even cats hate Goths!**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally. **Asked gothically? How do you do that?**

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.

 **Hoes of wax?**

 **That sounds like some weird horror/porn parody.**

" said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum **No thanks** on!1"

I got up suicidally. **Oh please** Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u) **Can we just like DDOS her or something?**. I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. **I have a strong urge to burn down Hot Topics now** I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow. **Celebrate that Ebony didn't die because of some stupid time law?**

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire. **Harry, act like a man for the love of god.**

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz **Yay** 666!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. **Sexahliy** And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap **What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You.**

!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. **Really? That's what you are concentrating on? You know your boyfriend is having sex with someone who is accused of murdering you and is a deatheater and you are worried about their clothing? Ebony you mediocre prep!**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily. **Hahahaha. I have lost faith in humanity.**

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun. **I mean at least let them finish. Huehuehue.**

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's. **I actually just gagged in real life. Holy shit that's a really BAD mental picture.**

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. **I too eat when I'm stressed. It's a bad habit.**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again. **Can you die this time? Like for real?**

 **ORLY?**

 **YAASSSS BITCH!**

Sincerely,

An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P

A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.

 **I love you so much. Thank you for this.**


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40.

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updatin while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.

 **AN: To everyone who keeps flaming this GET A LIFE. I bet you probably don't know who Gerad Way is. (I'm gonna be honest, I have no clue who Gerard Way is.) You're probably all preps and posers!1111 (Sniffs) Anyways someone hacked into my account in November and they put up my last chapter (Yes and we love our new mommy…) but now there is a new one. I'm sorry for not updating for a while but I've been really busy. I'm trying to finish the story before the new movie comes out. I'm going on vacation for a month. I won't be back until about 2 weeks. OMFG Draco is so hot in all the pics in the new movie!111 I wanted them to put a cameo by Gerard Way lol He should play draco. If you flame I'll slit my wrists! (Logically you should be dead with all the flames in the reviews but…) 11 Raven(Grrr….)you rock have fun in England.**

 **Half of my brain cells were sacrificed in translating this shit.**

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. **She wakes up in a coffin everyday, so this is a nice change of pace for a while** I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! **Oh god did she go back into the past by commiting suicide? Do I even want to ask the logic behind that?** On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon **Marlyin Munzon? I love him.**!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr **What is she talking about? Are these goth things that I don't know about?** ) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles **Gothic. Black. Beatles….Fuck off** calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again **again what's ebony doing with tim, the black guy?**!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss! **I'm sorry what?** ). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, **Don't ask. I have no clue either** blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy **Orgy: A sexual act in which more than one partners are involved in sexual intercourse**!11

"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally. **My brain is melting.**

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. **Why is she snapping at him? He asked about your well being which frankly is amazing since nobody cares about you** "OMG am I dedd?"

 ***A scream of joy is heard from the other side of the planet*** koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111

 **I'm gonna check in with my psychiatrist later to forget that scene.**

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. **Well. Logic goes out the window.** I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine. **Man this Tim guy is a machine? Sexah!**

"No ur not dead." Satan reassured **The devil reassured her. Of course. That's comforting.**

suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. **Hellsing would like to digress** Cum on **Gladly** now lets go c how Hairy's dad **Hairy's dad? He's even more hairier than hairy.** is doing."

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. **What's all these weird time laws. Prince of Persia would like to have a word with you.** "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed **No it was Snape possessing Snape** , but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

'Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." **Lol yeah. He had a headache that's why he casually shot his own friend. Makes perfect sense to me.** Satan reasoned evilly. **I told you. The devil is a lie *Whoosh***

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. **What? He has had two arms this entire time you gibbering monkey! You said so yourself.** I walked seduktivly **NO** outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy! **How do you know he's bisexual?** 11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties **Ahhh man eighties. The good old days…which I don't know anything about because I wasn't born yet.** ), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. **Just gonna ignore that for the sake of my sanity** "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him. **I'm also randomly angry at people that I don't know. Makes a good first impression.**

"Dis is…Hedwig **So the bisexual guy with bleach blonde hair and all gothic clothes was Harry's owl? You know what. I'm done. I'm gothic and I'm also converting to Satanism. If an owl can be goffic and sexah, So can I**!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm. **His wing or his plumage.**

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively **Hoot Hoot Hedwig replied back** evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. **HAHAHA. Okay. Hedwig is officaly my favourite goth in this cornucopia of Goths.** He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok! **I've been pretending that I understand what you're saying this entire time Ebony.** )

"Bye." I sed all sexily.

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind **Voldemort was in a relationship with Harry's owl? That's a ship that I never thought I would see. Let's all tick that off our bucket list.**

but we broke up. **No. I was really shipping them hard. One, a dark villain; the other a delievery owl. The chemistry is real.** " Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something **EWWWWW** I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif **I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.** (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz! **Fucking prep** ).

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cumon u guys." **I am not amused.**

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him. **Yes. It might be a little awkward since HE TRIED TO FUCKING SHOOT HIM!**

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1" **Firstly how do they know who their kids are going to be? Also James, Harry and Draco have been in a relationship and have had sex. Them not being friends is a ship that has sailed.**

"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape **She actually spelt his name right? 10 points to gryfindor.**

 **But they aren't in Gryfindor.**

 **Nobody cares you fuckin prep.**

agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great **What plan?**. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him. **I doubt that** Now Vampire's dad wood never die and "OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out. **Uhhhh…well this is uncomfortable** " I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod. **Stop it. Get some help Ebony.**

"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. **Yes, the evil wizard and the owl start making out.** We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily **Please stop. I can barely tolerate them making out.** Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi. **Who isn't bi? Next up Dumbledore is bi and he's in a relationship with Dobby.**

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" **Somebody please kill me** screamed Hedwig as his glock **His glock? You know the 2** **nd** **amendment. Always keep it packin baby!**

touched Voldemort's. **I'm gonna go drink bleach now.**

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111 **Are they bi too? Because I wouldn't be surprised at this point. My brain has been numbed by all the trauma I've suffered.**


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41.

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait! 1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!  111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111

 **AN: OMG the new books is coming out really soon. (She follows the Harry Potter books?) I can't wait! 1111 I think that snape will really be the same person as Voldemort cause they are both half blood (Voldemort isn't half blooded. Oh wait…his father was a muggle. Tara actually got something right!) so that will explain why he killed Dumbledore and he hated Harry! (Sorry to burst your bubble Tara.)1111 And then Harry will have to commit suicide so Voldemort will die cause he will really be a horacrux! 111 OMG I hope draco and harry get together that will be so "shmexxy", won't it? If they don't then JKR is homophobic! (Lol Yes, If two characters who are literally rivals and hate each others guts, don't get paired together then J.K. Rowling is a homophobe.)111111 Thanks for the help with facts, medusa you rock!111**

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig **Yeah I'm still getting over voldemort and Hedwig being in a relationship** , Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young **I believe the word you are looking for is YOUNGER** den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. **Hey! I liked Avril Lavinge. Am I a fucking prep now?**

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.

"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, **Why would you think that?** u jerk." Satan said.

"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly. **Deviantly? Also she was promoting beastilality. I'm in favour of prosecuting Ebony here.**

"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. **I'm not going to rise to that. I'll be a mature person….Hehehehe…She said cockled.** "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." **They're going to prison for sex? That's a little but harsh. My problem was that Hedwig is a bird and voldemort is human. I'm sure bestiality is banned in the wizard world.** **Unless it's mermaids, cause I'd like me some mermaid ass.** He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.

"You fucking poser." I muttoned. **Uhhhh…That's not…Whatever. Nothing matters anymore.**

 **I'm having a life crisis reading this story.**

"I bet you've never herd of GC." **Neither have I** James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11 **What!? An Ipod changed into a time machine! Alright…I mean It's Ebony. What did you expect?**

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted. **Yeah. Shut up "Jomes!"**

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom. **Lol. This has devolved into a kindergarden fight.**

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously. **Or in other words. Ya'll mofuckers need Jesus.**

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! **You jumped into an Ipod? This is another level of stupid right here** ****I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was...Satan. **So everyone else is sane and doesn't randomly try to jump into Ipods. That's a relief.**

"You dunderheads! **I love these insults.** 1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went. **These sentences are the reason that humanity has cancer.**

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room **The slytherin common room is full of theieves and scammers!** ****wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black. ***Googles how to legally kill someone***

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." **I wish my ipod was a time machine too** I told him.

"Kool what's an ipatch? **Apple products for pirates!** " he whimpered.

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." yakked. **So like a laptop or a phone or a walkman or a diskman. Everything plays music in this day and age.**

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" **Uhhhh…Soil?** he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly. **Facepalm.**

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." **So someone trying to impersonate Tara would not know a 4 letter word for dirt? The collective IQ of this school is less than the congress of our country and that is a huge acheievement** He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

 **Friends? Who needs friends when you have the internet? *sobs***

"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, **I'm surprised and a little disappointed too.** blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive. **Can you explain again? Because I have no clue how you are alive after getting shot and slitting your wrists with a "steak"**

"Konichiwa, bitch." **_Yamero B-Baka._** said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs **Raven too? I guess birds of same feathers show off their boobs together** with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker." **Hey cunt** ****Said Diabolo with his red hair. **His hair is red again! YASSS BITCH!** ****He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes. **Oh fuck you.**

"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth. **I'm sure normal people would have a few questions but in this universe everyone's like. Okay. Cool.**

Suddenly Satan started to cry. **_Never thought I would EVER hear that_**

"Are you okay Satan? " we asked concernedly.

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked. **That is the first question I would think about too when I travel to future with a random girl I've only known for a few days.**

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him. **Yeah. She likes you. Along with Draco, Harry, Series and Tim, the black guy.**

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz **That's so specific**. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. **What is he a toddler?** I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner. **I sometimes wonder how can someone be so retarded. I mean we all do stupid stuff when we are going through puberty but not this…**

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." **That's actually a religion.** I asked sadly.

"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. **Wait the greatest, high security wizard prison in this world** **was casually penetrated by a teenage schoolgirl! Alright all the adults in this universe are twats.** I never liked her she was a bad student." **You haven't taught your students a single thing in this entire story! No wonder everyone sucks.** Trevolry said reassuredly.

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. **I support Britney. Vote Britney 2020.**

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum ***giggles*** he was doing it with Snap?" **I will continuously deny that that has ever happened. It took me long enough to wipe that from my memory.**

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." **Tell me the name of the one person who cares about any of these fuckers. They slit their wrists every tudesday. They never die!** she said.

"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" **What is she planning to do now?** wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara! **Good luck with what! You idiots don't even know what she's doing. Even she doesn't know what shes doing.** 11" everyone cried. **Me included.**

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. **The atmosphere of horror has been here since day one Ebony** ****On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. **Leave Brtiney alone!** She looked jest like a pentagramof those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan. **Britney must look kinda cute actually.**

"You fucking bitch!111" ****I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" **Sigh. Don't get our hopes up Britney.** she laughed.

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating **What?** my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. **You ludacris donderhead!**

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly. ***starts crying* Leave Britney alone.**

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. **Why? WTF** Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" **For those who are confused. Harry has boobs for some weird reason. Don't ask me.** I yielded.

We hugged each udder **And now she's squeezing Harry's boobs. We are officialy done here** ****happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. **I'm willing to pay a good amount of money for an assasination.** He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river **Nope** it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.

"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.

"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled ****with anger in his sexy voice. **Angry and sexy? Only Vanhelsing can do that.**

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY. **Smarty. So Smart!**

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly...all da lights in da room went out. And den...da Dork Mark appeared **The dork mark? The sign of the stupid death eaters.**

"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. **Wow such intelligent insight Ebony.** "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 **More like: I have to find Draco to fuck** guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. **Diaper-ating. Harry ran away in Diapers.**

Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 43.

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111

 **AN: I think after this I will have about two or three more chapters. (Awww…I almost miss her broken, spastic words.) Thanks to all my reviewers, not the flamers. If you flamed this story then you suck!111111 If you flame then fuck you!111 (Come on, we love you Tara.)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX **Wow. So edgy and metal.**

I walked sexily **I thought she ran into the Great hall sadly. It's literally the last line of the previous chapter** into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there! He sat der in deddly **Finally!** bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape ***Shakes head* That never happened. That never happened!** but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.

 **Yeah I'm fine. Just casually slitting my FUCKING WRISTS HERE!**

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. **See.** I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully. **I really need to learn how many types of tears Goths have. I mean, blood, red, black, dull.**

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us. **You wierdos are sitting in the middle of the "Grate Hall" alone. They'd literally would have to lack eyes to miss you.**

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin. **So it wasn't Britney that freed Snape. She's innocent, I knew it!**

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed. **Uhhhh… You are a cat janitor. You should be thankful you even have a job, you damn cat. (Cats are traitors. Doggo Army for life.)**

"Pop addelum **What spell is this?**!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. **A spell for chaining people? Mmmhhh. Magical S &M **Mr. Norris ran away.

"You fukking perv." **How is he a perv?** I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. "Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong2 torture u!" **Why should Lupin know where voldemort is? He has had no connection to voldemort in this entire story.**

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. **I told you so** Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really. **Finally Satan woke up from taking a nap.**

"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then. **Wait so Harry forgave Draco? Just like that?**

I selectively took the caramel **Mmmmmm…Now I'm hungry** from my pocket. **Can I have some too** And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. **Uhhh…There are five other people in the room.** Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. **Stop it. What the fuck is wrong with you.** Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. **Please for the love of god. I will sacrifice my first born child if she stops talking one.** We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. **I have no hope left anymore. I see the darkness drawing near. I see it coming closer.** Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. **It's coming. It's coming for me.** "Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. **Please. Mercy. I beg you.**

I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" **A foursome?** cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. **Wtf.** Suddenly…..

 **Please. I think my brain will just go comatose if I hear anymore of this.**

….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11

 **Oh god. Is Snape here to join this freakshow?**


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43.

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekumgofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

 **AN: Well I have nothing to say but everyone stop flaming ok!111 If any gothic people are reading this then you rock!11 (I'm pretty sure all Goths hate her.) OMG I still can't wait for the movie!1 Tom Felton is so hot lol I hope harry will become gothic (I dbout it) cause my friend told me he is really emo in this book!1111 OMFG I'm leaving "Dubya" (Where does she live?) pretty soon can't wait! This will probably the last chapter until I come back. (God bless you. She thinks she'll come back)**

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"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. **You are naked with your cock inside another man Draco. That wouldn't be my primary concern if I was you.** But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!

 **Uhhh…Did she just forget the last chapter?**

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." **That's reasonable** he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing **…Oh god. Now I have images of Snape circumsizing these idiots** above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!" **Why?**

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!" **Uhhh…I believe you were the one who was doing the fucking Draco. So I can't really say I see how Snape raped you unless he used the imperius curse.**

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. **Of course. Satan with no shame.** We were so scarred!1 **We all have been scarred after that awful orgy scene ebony** But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111

 **Wait. How does that work? How does any of this make sense?**

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. **So you guys had sex with Voldemort, the evil wizard.** "Now I shall kill thee all!"Thunder came in da room. ***Grabs popcorn***

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall,Dumblydore,Serious and Lucian all ran in. **Oh god. Everyone got the orgy notice did they?**

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. **Even broomsticks are hoes in this universe!** Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik. **Emphasis on the evilness.**

"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik) **I'm still in shock from the orgies you guys had so I'm let this one slide.**

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. **Now I just picture Snape being angry while he orgasms.**

 **I blame Ebony for my dirty mind.**

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" **Cruciatus? Is four words? It's one word with nine alphabets bitch.** screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera. **Yes, don't grab your wand or anything. Grab the video camera.**

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with **With who? Also Snape's already seen you naked once and have seen you had sex like five mintues ago. So you getting all emabarresed here is unprecedented.**

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. **Pretty much everyone in this school has seen Ebony and Draco naked. Nobody cares at this point.** Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." **Paris Hilton is the opposite of everything goth on this entire planet.** He laughed meanly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11" **Yes, the death eaters can be blackmailed with nudes. Of course.**

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains. **Lupin slurped? Is he eating again?**

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!"yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon." **Finally someone that makes sense.**

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled **You were having sex with voldemort like a minute ago. Your threats are now a little tarnished Harry** and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns!But Voldimort took out his own one. **Yes all these wizards with their guns. We need gun control at Hogwarts.**

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of **AHahahaha. Did she confuse a Mexican standoff with a Latin Stand off.**!111" I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind **Doesn't matter cause Neville had a gun didn't he?** was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

He maidlighting come all over da place.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried. **Oh come on! Like Ebony can save anyone.**

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists **See…She's useless.** with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent. **She's thinking about movies while Voldemort's about to kill them. You have to be kidding me.**

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

 **Wait…Is this it? She left us on a cliffhanger? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Oh my god. I just rickrolled by Tara. End.**


End file.
